For those about to debate ...

How to lose friends and alienate people...

Apparently, the best way to introduce yourself and proselyte to a community of Asthmatics is to start out by saying that you "...feel sorry for asthmatics." Then go on to tell your story of how you managed to "cure" your asthma by using acupuncture, fruit, and push-ups.


Well, good on you. Do you want a cookie or something, Tom Cruise? Glad that it works for you ... but we don't need someone feeling sorry for us, thankyouverymuch.


I'm wondering, will he show up in the Epileptics and mental health communites next?

Hello, Kelly Preston ... there are some friendly men in white waiting for you in the lobby.

Yes, another $cientologist has gone on a tear against psychiatry ... without mentioning $cientology by name. Just name-dropping $cientology affiliate groups.

Check out the lovely trainwreck on Ariana Huffington's Blog.


And yes, ADHD is apparently caused by serious constipation. Who woulda thunk it?

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Now, this is a blog that I can handle: Tom Cruise, M.D. Fucking hilarious stuff, there.

After my mishap with the razor (see the prior entry), I'm a bit apprehensive about using a razor on *any* body part ... even my underarms.

Now, I've been getting my brows waxed on a monthly (or so) basis for at least the past year or so. So that's no problem - just go in, present your lovely, smiling face, get the monobrow and beginnings of a mustache ripped off ... and there you go.

But, how does one handle anything else? I'm talking underarms, mainly.

Legs, I'd probably have to let it all grow back for several days (hello, long pants!) and take 300 Advil beforehand.

Bikini area, I'd start conservative, as I'm a major, major wus.


And how long does the waxing last?


I've had people suggest Nair - but it doesn't work on me, unfortunately. :-/ I've tried the DIY waxing kits (usually Sally Hansen or whatever) ... although the Bliss Poetic Waxing set would almost be a better alternative.


Thank you! :-D

Last night,while shopping for new underthings at Nordstrom's, I heard one of the scariest things ever: "Oprah said...".

Next to Tom Cruise opening his mouth and pretending to be straight, or practicing medicine without a license ... hearing "Oprah said/ says..." really disturbs me.

Especially since I've deemed these women (usually middle-aged soccer mom types) to be Disciples in the Church of Oprah. Don't even get me started on Dr. Phil ... that's for another time.


Anyways, back to the underpinnings and the Soccer Moms. Apparently, Oprah was pretty much creaming her jeans over the Le Mystère bras, which sent a couple of said Disciples to Nordstrom's, in search of said bras. Yes, dear sheep ... Oprah could tell you to engage in self-immolation in her name, and you'd do it, wouldn't you?

Personally, I'll stick with my Non-Celebrity-Approved* Wacoal bras. They might look average - and seem expensive - but they are certainly worth it. Especially since I kind of like to have The Girls nicely supported, while still looking reasonably pretty.

*Well, okay ... donia seems to be a bit of a Wacoal fan, and she was on TV, once upon a time. So, I guess they *are* celebrity-approved, in a way. ;)

Before I even go into how my surgery went, and how the recovery is going ... could I please bitchslap Tom Cruise for this asinine comment pretty much slagging on Brooke Shields *and* anyone that has ever taken antidepressants?


But, enough of that. Since I'm at work, I'll just do a condensed version (so everyone knows that I'm still alive) - and write a more detailed version when I get home tonight.

Pre-surgery, I was a nervous mess. There were eleventy billion tests, all kinds of lab work and whatever else. Well, the EKG that was originally thought to be abnormal was re-reviewed by a cardiologist, and found to be fine, no worries.

So, I went under the knife on May 12th - and my gallbladder, as well as the offending stone (a big one at 3cm) were removed. After 20 something hours of clear liquids - jello, chicken broth, apple juice, IV fluids and Morphine, as well as proving that I could keep solid food down, I was sent home with a prescription for Vicodin, and care instructions (no heavy lifting, no major housework, blah blah blah).

I spent the next week in a Vicodin haze (then again, I was taking 8 pills a day for the first 4 or so days to kill the pain), sleeping for a good part of the day - when I wasn't taking pills or eating crackers in bed.

When I went back to work, I went down to Vicodin only at night, since being lucid at work is usually a good thing (heh). Although I'm still finding that I can only do so much before I exert myself too much, and end up in too much pain - which lands me in bed, with the heating pad and a Vicodin, bitching until the drugs kick in.

So ... that's that. More details later today. I'm still here, still alive. :)

Okay ... here's the official pre-surgery dirt.

I spoke with the doctor late this morning, and found out that a cardiologist reviewed my EKG and echocardiogram over the weekend - and found that the Q-T Interval wasn't as prolonged as originally thought. My heart is perfectly healthy, functioning just fine - and I'm cleared for take-off! ;)

Alright, seriously, I have a surgery date of Thursday morning - at 11:30 a.m. I go in at 9:30 a.m. for registration and pre-op preparation.


So tomorrow and Wednesday, I'll be at work, getting things done - as if there's much to be done. Although, it will give me a chance to work on things, since the sick time has been revised from Monday to Friday, to this Thursday to next Wednesday.

That's that ... not much else to say right now. Still on the bland diet, although I was seriously bad and ate pizza on Friday. Yeah, I'm still taking Cipro - and happily Anthrax-free, as Meredith cyndal mentioned.

Okay, it's been a few weeks since my last update. :-/

So ... this is what's going on, and why I haven't been around. On the 20th (of April), I went to the internist for a new patient exam. Everything seemed to go pretty well, blood pressure was 116/74; and I was deemed to be in overall good health ... except for some tenderness in my upper right abdomen.

I was told to get an ultrasound done, to rule out the possibility of a gallstone - and also told to have general lab work done for cholesterol level, thyroid, and a check for PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome).


Before I could even go in for the ultrasound, I had a bout of what I thought was food poisoning. I woke up with nausea, unable to sleep in any position because I was so uncomfortable - ultimately vomiting. I spent all morning feeling kind of queasy and nauseous, afraid to eat or take my medicines, not wanting them to come back up again.

Later that week, I went in for the ultrasound - and had a call from my doctor the next day on my voicemail. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get back to her until Monday ... but I found out that I do in fact have a gallstone. (Yes, just one. And at 3.5cm, it's pretty substantial.) That what I thought was food poisoning was a gallstone attack. And that I should have my gallbladder removed - the sooner, the better.

The other day, I had a consultation with the surgeon, to discuss the procedure (it will be done laproscopically ... if I'm even spelling that right) and recovery time, as well as scheduling the surgery for this coming Monday.


Yesterday, it was all about starting to get things in order. Letting work know that I'd be taking next week off for surgery and recovery. Getting as much in order, accomplished and off my desk as possible. Going to my internist for the pre-surgery exam, as well as lab work and a chest X-ray (which took care of a large part of the pre-registration). Doing my pre-registration for surgery over the phone, as opposed to trying to eke out 2 hours of my work day to do it.


And did I mention that when I went to the internist, I got the "good news"[/sarcasm] that I seem to have a low-grade infection because of the gallstone? She was pretty close to having me haul my ass right to the hospital right then and there - instead, she called the surgeon for a 2nd opinion, so I'm on Cipro twice daily, and monitoring my temperature. If I get above 101ºF, I have to get right to the ER, onto IV antibiotics, no food - except by IV and probably have the surgery sooner than Monday.

So, as you can guess, I'll be out of commission for a few days. :-(

And the new Pope is ...

Pope Eggs Benedict XVI


:::goes to pack her bags for Hell:::

We're taking bets on the baby's name - "Cheeto" for a girl, and "Redbull" for a boy.

Yeah - Britney Spears and her "back-up dancer" husband, Kevin Federline are apparently in the family way. I know, this is news?

Tom DeLay's lack of ethics are more newsworthy.

Andrea Dworkin's recent death is certainly more newsworthy.

The Michael Jackson Three-Ring-Rock-Spectacle Child Molestation trial is more newsworthy, even if it seems to be devolving into a massive trainwreck day by day.


The point is, Britney Spears is knocked-up. And I'm afraid for the sprog. Especially considering Daddy's less-than-stellar track record. And Mommy's obvious lack of common sense.

My personal favorite Britney story has to be one about an "Emergency Family Meeting" that was called, becaus Britney was afraid that one of her chihuahuas was pregnant by her brother's dog - a bulldog. According to Britney's publicist, "...this would be incest."

*shakes head and makes sure that she's not in The Yoda State^TM* Yeah ... there's a bit of problem: (a) The dogs are two different BREEDS. Just because they're owned by family doesn't make it incestuous. It's incestuous when they're the same breed - and then, it's AKC-sanctioned. ;)


That is all.
{/steps down from the Lewis Black soapbox}

Well, I thought I was going to get into the dentist today. When I called this morning, to find out the status of my insurance confirmation ... I found out that my "emergency" had been pushed up to Thursday.

The antibiotics are helping some (side effects be cursed), but I'm still in considerable pain - even taking three Aleve, twice daily doesn't help all that much.


So back to Square One. Look on the Provider List for a dentist that is near the office and hope to G*d that (a)they're taking new patients; (b)they can get me in *this week*; and (c)they can do a root canal - or refer me to a dentist that could do one, if needed.

Thankfully, I was able to find a dentist that could get me in today. Originally, it was going to be this afternoon, around 2 p.m. - then it changed to Noon. So, I'll be spending my lunch hour getting checked out. She can't do root canals, but if nothing else, she can at least examine me, and see what's going on - and determine what type of specialist I'd need to see. Maybe even prescribe something stronger than Aleve for the pain.


And a P.S. to yesterday - I've decided to start calling my post-ictal (or, post-seizure) state The Yoda State^TM, since I'm about as articulate as Yoda on his best day.