Parents on my list - please don't hate me!

[hiddenmuse]

misfitmormon">I've kind of edited the hell out of this, as much of it isn't applicable to me, but it does convey some of my feelings.


Imagine being told, "You have to be an accountant." You reply, "But I don't want to be an accountant. It's not something I'm interested in." But you're constantly told from every side, "You have to be an accountant. What, are you denying your womanhood? Are you ignoring your divine role? God wants you to be an accountant!" In despair, you keep saying, "But I don't like math, I don't want to be an accountant, I don't want to be trapped in a job I hate..."

That's how I feel with motherhood.

Here's a quote from Ardeth G. Kapp in an old Ensign magazine.

My whole soul cried out, "Dear God, if I’m not a mother, what am I?"

A PERSON! A child does not define a woman! I'm sorry, but every time I hear something like this, it upsets and aggravates me. If you're not a mother then you're a daughter, a wife, a sister, an aunt, a friend. I don't like to be told that I have no sense of self if I'm not a mother. That I'm not "complete." I am complete.



I love children very much, please don't get me wrong. I just know that I'm not fit to be a mother - my temper is not a strong suit of mine. And don't get me started on health issues that would keep me from getting pregnant.

It's much easier for me to deal with other people's children, since I can play with them, love them - and then hand them back after a while.

I'm looking forward to being the "cool" aunt. The one that gives my neices and nephews Vans baby shoes; A onesie that says "I Love My Aunties"; Ramones and AC/DC onesies; CDs of Pink Floyd songs done lullabye style. Letting them hang out in their PJs all morning, watching cartoons. Eat cereal for dinner. Take them to their first concerts. Watch Pixar films with them. Be that cool aunt that lives in San Francisco.

To the parents reading this, I admire and respect you. You have a hard job with raising a family - and you're doing damn good at it.

Comments

[becky11.livejournal.com]

I'm a mom and sometimes I don't like being a mom, or I don't want to be a mom, and I certainly don't FEEL like a mom.

Kaylee was an accident, or "blessing" would probably be the more politically correct term. I didn't plan for her and I never did. But I love her with all my heart. I was a woman before she came along and I'm still one now that she's here.

I actually applaud women that recognize that kids just aren't for them. Of course, if my mom actually admitted it BEFORE having kids, then I wouldn't be here right now.

Regardless, NEVER apologize for how you feel. You are the COOLEST!!! I would love it if Kaylee had you for a cool aunt!! :)

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I've heard stories from friends whose moms didn't want kids - but obviously had them anyways - and some of them told me about being reminded by their moms that they could've done so much, or that they did so much, without the kids in their lives.

Hearing that just made me so sad - if a parent feels that way, why lord it over your kid(s)? It just wrecks them emotionally.


I was a bit of a "happy accident" myself - my parents wanted kids, but they were barely 2 years into their marriage when I was born! For years, my nickname was "boo-boo". ;-)