Parents on my list - please don't hate me!

[hiddenmuse]

misfitmormon">I've kind of edited the hell out of this, as much of it isn't applicable to me, but it does convey some of my feelings.


Imagine being told, "You have to be an accountant." You reply, "But I don't want to be an accountant. It's not something I'm interested in." But you're constantly told from every side, "You have to be an accountant. What, are you denying your womanhood? Are you ignoring your divine role? God wants you to be an accountant!" In despair, you keep saying, "But I don't like math, I don't want to be an accountant, I don't want to be trapped in a job I hate..."

That's how I feel with motherhood.

Here's a quote from Ardeth G. Kapp in an old Ensign magazine.

My whole soul cried out, "Dear God, if I’m not a mother, what am I?"

A PERSON! A child does not define a woman! I'm sorry, but every time I hear something like this, it upsets and aggravates me. If you're not a mother then you're a daughter, a wife, a sister, an aunt, a friend. I don't like to be told that I have no sense of self if I'm not a mother. That I'm not "complete." I am complete.



I love children very much, please don't get me wrong. I just know that I'm not fit to be a mother - my temper is not a strong suit of mine. And don't get me started on health issues that would keep me from getting pregnant.

It's much easier for me to deal with other people's children, since I can play with them, love them - and then hand them back after a while.

I'm looking forward to being the "cool" aunt. The one that gives my neices and nephews Vans baby shoes; A onesie that says "I Love My Aunties"; Ramones and AC/DC onesies; CDs of Pink Floyd songs done lullabye style. Letting them hang out in their PJs all morning, watching cartoons. Eat cereal for dinner. Take them to their first concerts. Watch Pixar films with them. Be that cool aunt that lives in San Francisco.

To the parents reading this, I admire and respect you. You have a hard job with raising a family - and you're doing damn good at it.

Comments

[gardengnomegeek.livejournal.com]

You don't have to apologize to parents for not wanting kids. Just because I have kids does not mean I feel that everybody in the whole world should have them too!. Different strokes for different folks. I like Fall Out Boy and I don't expect the whole world to like them. I like the colour orange and I don't expect the whole world to like it as much as I do, so I don't expect everybody to have kids either.

I cannot imagine much worse than a child being born into a family that didn't want them...but had them because they felt they had to.

And the part about a child defining a woman...why do people feel Moms feel that way?????? My kids are part of my life and a huge part of my life, but they are not all that I am. Emma once referred to her bedtime as "when Mommy and Daddy stop being Mommy and Daddy and start being Susan and Kevin!" If Emma can grasp it at 3...I really think more people should be able to get it!

[kathykat.livejournal.com]

oh Lord...I HATE kids sometimes!! *wink* and you will be a wonderful cool auntie!!!


:)

[becky11.livejournal.com]

I'm a mom and sometimes I don't like being a mom, or I don't want to be a mom, and I certainly don't FEEL like a mom.

Kaylee was an accident, or "blessing" would probably be the more politically correct term. I didn't plan for her and I never did. But I love her with all my heart. I was a woman before she came along and I'm still one now that she's here.

I actually applaud women that recognize that kids just aren't for them. Of course, if my mom actually admitted it BEFORE having kids, then I wouldn't be here right now.

Regardless, NEVER apologize for how you feel. You are the COOLEST!!! I would love it if Kaylee had you for a cool aunt!! :)

[mom-o-cass.livejournal.com]

being a mother is one of the hardest things i have ever done, and i'm still surprised that i am one. i never thought i would actually want one! but i know that even if i did not have Cass i would still be a happy and strong woman. I did not need to be a mom to be who i am. and i certainly did not have to have a baby to be complete. that's something i had to find within myself.

i have many friends who don't wish to have children and i really respect that. one of my best friends had a mother who constantly reminded her how her birth ruined her mom's life. i support anyone who does not want a child - it's a choice i really respect.

thank you for your post. it adds to the reasons why i think you pretty much rock.

Jenne