The Book of Questions - Love and Sex
Nov. 23rd, 2002 09:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hiddenmuseI'd picked that book up in 1993, and highlighted many of the questions over the years. Now, almost 10 years later, I'm picking random questions from the book, and posing them to you, the readers. The great thing is, these aren't "yes" or "no" questions - you have to put some thought into them. And since they can get a bit involved, I will only post a few at a time. :)
{The way they are numbered may look odd, but they are numbered according to their numbering in the book.}
5) Would you feel unfaithful if you had frequent sexual daydreams about someone other than your partner? If your partner were having such fantasies, would you want to know about it? Why?
I wouldn't feel unfaithful, personally. Probably because I know that it's one thing to dream about getting naked with someone and actually doing it. Besides, I'm not one to chase after otherwise-attached people, and I'm not one to hurt my partner. If my partner were having such fantasies - that's her business. I don't care if she's dreaming of fucking Angelina Jolie eight ways to Sunday, that's her private fantasy life. And sometimes fantasies are best kept to oneself.
24) If you and your lover were in a hotel room with a squeaky bed and walls so thin that you could hear voices in the next room, how much would it affect your lovemaking? What if you faced the same conditions at a friend's house?
I don't think it would affect things too much. We'd probably just put a sheet on the floor & fuck there, and I'd probably be gagged cos I do tend to get noisy. (Mmmmmm, kinky sex ... hehe) As for the second part of the question - been there, done that. It's called visiting Kellie's place. In that situation, I kept my hand over my mouth ... but I still got a bit loud.
33) If you wanted to have sex and your partner didn't, would you rather have your partner rebuff your advances or go through the motions for your benefit?
I'd rather have my partner tell me "No. Not tonight." rather than just go through with it to appease me. I can always masturbate, and that way, there's no awkwardness the next morning. I wouldn't want my lover to feel like she *has* to do something because I ask for it, and vice versa.
129) Do you think you would ever enjoy having your lover pretend to be someone else during lovemaking? If so, what "make-believe" role might appeal to you? Would you be willing to pretend to be another person if it would excite your lover?
You know, I don't know. I might, but it's hard to say. I'd have nothing against the whole "doctor/nurse" or "teacher/student" RPG if we were both into the idea. And yes, I'd be willing to pretend to be someone else if it excited my lover. If she wants me to be Angelina, fine. Just don't expect me to get all borderline-incestuous with family or marry Greaseball Thornton. If she wants me to be Steve, give me the hair gel and the strap-on. ;)
If you peeked behind the cuts, you know entirely too much about me. You poor people. I'll chip in what I can afford for your therapy and/or mental flossings. *smirk*
{The way they are numbered may look odd, but they are numbered according to their numbering in the book.}
5) Would you feel unfaithful if you had frequent sexual daydreams about someone other than your partner? If your partner were having such fantasies, would you want to know about it? Why?
I wouldn't feel unfaithful, personally. Probably because I know that it's one thing to dream about getting naked with someone and actually doing it. Besides, I'm not one to chase after otherwise-attached people, and I'm not one to hurt my partner. If my partner were having such fantasies - that's her business. I don't care if she's dreaming of fucking Angelina Jolie eight ways to Sunday, that's her private fantasy life. And sometimes fantasies are best kept to oneself.
24) If you and your lover were in a hotel room with a squeaky bed and walls so thin that you could hear voices in the next room, how much would it affect your lovemaking? What if you faced the same conditions at a friend's house?
I don't think it would affect things too much. We'd probably just put a sheet on the floor & fuck there, and I'd probably be gagged cos I do tend to get noisy. (Mmmmmm, kinky sex ... hehe) As for the second part of the question - been there, done that. It's called visiting Kellie's place. In that situation, I kept my hand over my mouth ... but I still got a bit loud.
33) If you wanted to have sex and your partner didn't, would you rather have your partner rebuff your advances or go through the motions for your benefit?
I'd rather have my partner tell me "No. Not tonight." rather than just go through with it to appease me. I can always masturbate, and that way, there's no awkwardness the next morning. I wouldn't want my lover to feel like she *has* to do something because I ask for it, and vice versa.
129) Do you think you would ever enjoy having your lover pretend to be someone else during lovemaking? If so, what "make-believe" role might appeal to you? Would you be willing to pretend to be another person if it would excite your lover?
You know, I don't know. I might, but it's hard to say. I'd have nothing against the whole "doctor/nurse" or "teacher/student" RPG if we were both into the idea. And yes, I'd be willing to pretend to be someone else if it excited my lover. If she wants me to be Angelina, fine. Just don't expect me to get all borderline-incestuous with family or marry Greaseball Thornton. If she wants me to be Steve, give me the hair gel and the strap-on. ;)
If you peeked behind the cuts, you know entirely too much about me. You poor people. I'll chip in what I can afford for your therapy and/or mental flossings. *smirk*
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no subject
Date: 2002-11-23 08:27 pm (UTC)5)Fantasies are just that. Things that you won't or can't really do. It doesn't make me unfaithful and I don't think that my partner should feel unfaithful. I do like to know who and what she is fantasizing about, but not because I think it's bad. I want to know who an what turns her on, so we can talk about it and I can learn how to better please her. I think that partners should be able to talk about that stuff. If you think you are the only person that your partner is thinking of in a sexual way... well you are just wrong. Now, if my partner feels she *could* talk to me about her fantasies but just chooses not to, I'm not going to force the issue. But I like to have relationships that are open enough to be able to share that kind of stuff if you want.
24. No. The hotel squeaky bed/thin walls thing would not bother me at all. In fact, depending on my mood, it may make me louder. Just if I'm in a giggly, fun, semi obnoxious mood. As for the friends house, it wouldn't stop me from making love, but as Carly said, I would definetly make an extra effort to be as quiet as I could. I know that I definetly do not want to hear my roommates getting it on, and so I doubt they want to hear me either.
33. I would SO much rather that she just tell me she's not in the mood. Sure, I might feel a little hurt and rejected. But it would be so much less than to find out that she did something she didn't want to. Or that she wasn't into it and didn't enjoy it. There's no reason to lie to me. That's why I come equipped with lube and toys for myself.
129. I have never much done the role play thing, but I am not against it for sure. If my partner asked me to play a role, I certainly would. I might ask for a role every once in a while, but I don't really feel the need for that on a regular basis. (But damn, Carly. Talking about you as Steve with the spiky hair and a strap on has me... uh.. rethinking. *g*)
no subject
Date: 2002-11-23 08:41 pm (UTC)As for #129, while I've never tried RPG, I'm not against it once in a while.
And, yeah ... as long as you don't mind Steve as a Russian Jew. :-x
no subject
Date: 2002-11-23 09:26 pm (UTC)5)Not at all. Fantasy is just that; it's not reality and it doesn't hurt. What hurts is when someone starts acting on that fantasy.
24)No it wouldn't hinder lovemaking because (more than likely) a chair, a dressor, a shower, a sink that would suffice just fine.
33)I would much rather have the truth...I wouldn't want to just appease my lover so I wouldn't want him to just appease me.
129)I'm a "try it at least once" type of person. I don't mind "make believe". The role I like the best (so far) is pretending to be strangers, ie meeting your SO out at a club, fake names, fake personalities etc....that one can be done OVER AND OVER.
no subject
I think those are good questions to ask!! And you have very thoughtful answers. :) I don't agree with you on #5 because personally I'd wanna know, then withhold affection ;), but 24 and 33 I do agree with. I'll keep my mouth shut on the last one, though. ;D