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[hiddenmuse]

Last night, I came out to my mom, while I was making arrangements for the holidays.

I'm not sure how it happened exactly beyond, "she asked, I told". She told me several times that she still loves me unconditionally, but she does not condone my "lifestyle", and does not want "it" in her house - especially since my sister is 16 years old.

What does that mean? Well, when Kellie and I go to St. Louis, we are going to stay in a hotel. Out of respect for my mom's wishes and also to allow everyone keep their sanity.

I'm sure that my mom will have so many questions - and I'll have to find out how to answer them all. But I will definitely let her know that I am still the same daughter that she's known and loved all these years. Nothing has changed beyone who I am sharing my life with.

It does bother me some that my mom doesn't want "it" in her house - what is she talking about anyways? That she doesn't want the queerness in her house, afraid that it is contagious or something? Is she afraid that we'll "convert" my sister? That we'll be obnoxious, flamboyant and in everyone's faces?

Whatever it is, I will probably find out soon enough. Right now, I'm just feeling so many things, I don't know where to start. I'm still reeling from the fact that it happened, and that my mom didn't yell at me - and I was the one doing all the crying.

Comments

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

My mother used to say that if any of us 'turned out that way' she'd love us anyway.

As soon as she figured out I was bi she made it another excuse to be nasty.

I'm sure your mum will get used to the idea in time, and ease up a bit. She probably just needs tsome educating right now.

*hugs* Good luck with it.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *hugs*

I think that she will need some time - as well as my answering her questions and whatever else she needs/wants to know.

[nikitaquincy.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on coming out to your mom. *hugs* I have yet to come out to mine, and I probably never will, just because I'm not sure how she'd take it, especially now.

However, having said that, I'm glad it went relatively well for you, though it's sad that you're going to have to stay in a hotel. I hope the holiday is stress-free as it can be for you and Kellie and your family. ♥♥♥

*BIG HUGS*

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

We don't have to stay in a hotel, it was more of a "let's keep the drama to a minimum" situation. It would be far easier to stay in a hotel (at least this year), so my mom can work on getting a level of "okay-ness" with everything.

*big hugs* Good luck to you, if/when you come out to your mom!

[nikitaquincy.livejournal.com]

I can totally understand that decision, I would have done the same thing.

I've always suspected that my mom knows I'm at least bi, but she's never said anything to me about it. Still though, given the year she's had, I am not about to spring something of this magnitude on her anytime soon.

*hugs* ♥

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

I was feeling the same way - didn't want to spring anything like that on anyone. My mom lost her husband last year, my sister - her dad. So I didn't think that a possible bombshell like that would be in the works.

Besides, I was keeping my mouth shut because I didn't want to be told that I could no longer talk to my sister.

[it-glitters.livejournal.com]

I send hugs. And I use this icon because I think it's made of funny.

[himeykitty.livejournal.com]

I see your funny Little Mermaid icon and raise one of my own (same icon maker, if I remember right *grin*)

Carly, congrats on having the courage to come out to your mom :-)

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :-)

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

And that icon is very funny. :-)

[femmequixotic]

I came out to my mom a few years ago because she asked me outright if I was a lesbian and I was tired of lying to everyone and said yes.

She had a similar reaction to your mom's. It's settled into something we rarely talk about (which at the moment I'm okay with because even if I were straight I wouldn't discuss my sex life with my mom), and we're actually closer now than we were before.

But I'll admit that the not-talking about it's frustrating sometimes. If I were to ever settle into a long-term relationship, that would have to change. I'd insist on it. But I think now, my mom would be okay with that.

It's not easy, coming out to your parents, and it's a difficult road at first, but they do love you. Keep that in mind. Even if they don't agree with you, even if they think you've made the wrong "lifestyle choice" (God, I hate that phrase), they still love you.

*hugs* You can do this, hon. It's probably going to be weird on both sides for a little while, but you'll ease into it.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Yeah, not talking about it and/or talking around it was getting quite frustrating, and I knew that it would have to be talked about at some point. I almost wish it were better circumstances, but I think it was probably for the best that we were on the phone, so if it did become a fallout or anything, we wouldn't be stuck together until I went home.

I'm preparing myself for the inevitable questions, whatever they are. One of the bigger things will be trying to explain that I wasn't converted/recruited and no, I'm not going to infect my sister with Teh Gayness.

*hugs* Thank you so much - I'm so glad to have this support! :-)

[http://users.livejournal.com/lessthan3__/]

oh honey, i'm sorry that it kinda didn't go all that well. i mean, better than it could have been, but worse than it should have been, you know? *hug*

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

*Hugs*

I was expecting it to be far worse than it was. I expected her to yell at me and tell me that I was no longer her daughter or something. Now, I wasn't expecting her to say that she was going to join PFLAG or anything - I doubt that will ever happen.

Right now, I'm just so happy that she still loves me.

[mom-o-cass.livejournal.com]

i know i'm not your family, but i love and and am proud of you. i don't know what it feels like to come out and i imagine how much you are going through. Keep on keepin on, grrrl. xo

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much, Jenne. That means so much to me! :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_recoil/]

Well you know at 16, kids are like mushrooms and they just kind of absorb whatever gets placed next to them. It could be a delicious sauce or it could be the gay.

I'm proud of you and hope that everything turns out okay. I'm sure "it" is the mindset that you'd behave in the same way with a woman that you might if you were bringing home a man. She might feel like now that you're out, you're REALLY going to be out and making out during dinner and talking about dental dams. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just be you.

[sigmaration.livejournal.com]

So we're not supposed to talk about dental dams at dinner?

[http://users.livejournal.com/_recoil/]

Well, I mean if it comes up you should do your best to inform and educate, but I wouldn't sit down in your flannel and doc martin boots and say "I've got a serious case of beaver fever, does your Sam's sell that bulk pack of dental dams?"

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Oh please! I don't wear flannel ... did that when I was in college and it was called "grunge style"! The doc martens, however, would just be to get through the snow and muck!

[sigmaration.livejournal.com]

Besides. I honestly have never used a dental dam in my entire life.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. :-)

I'm not sure what "it" is, but I'm sure that I'll find out at some point! Maybe it is that mindset you mentioned. Maybe it's some unfounded worry that I'm going to march into the house and be obnoxious and in-your-face about my sexuality. Hopefully, I can prove to my mom that I am the same person, and that nothing has changed.

[honeybearbee.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you *hugs*

[kelpierocks.livejournal.com]

Hugs to you for taking such a big step. :)

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *hugs*

[ex-engarde945.livejournal.com]

:::hug::: even though it is tough, im proud of you!

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! :-)

*hugs*

[annie-bean.livejournal.com]

wow, I can't even imagine how hard this was to do, but its out,. and things will be better in the future :) ***hugs to you** i am proud of you :)

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

It was insanely hard - I was absolutely petrified, and worried that my mom would say, "don't ever come home again." That didn't happen, and I'm glad that it didn't work out that way.

There's a lot ahead of me, and seeing the support I've been getting, I'm so happy to see that I have friends that will stand by me. *hugs back*

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much!

Her reaction may not have been very positive, but it was better than I'd anticipated. My hope is that in time, she'll at least come around and realize that gay people aren't bad, and that we're far more than what she sees on TV!

*hugs*

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

How about an ex-mo who, while not gay, is into some decidedly kinky stuff? That would be my girlfriend.

What is it with Mormons? For a group of people with some pretty progressive ideas (Jesus in America, the head of the church is a prophet), they sure seem to want to hang on to some really outdated ideas as well.

It would seem that Mario Kart on Sunday is a MAJOR transgression.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Your girlfriend is adorable, and from what I've heard/read from you, she seems to be quite awesome! :-)

I have no idea what the deal/damage is with Mormons. It took them until the mid-1970s to allow African-American men to hold positions in the priesthood. It'll probably take another 50+ years for them to not be so jackass-y towards women, and far more after that to be at least okay with gays.


Yeah, Mario Kart on Sunday could be a transgression - especially since they take the Jewish stance of "no (unnecessary) working on the Sabbath". I remember that my stepdad would not let my brother and I watch MTV or listen to rock music on Sundays.

[rosesandvine.livejournal.com]

I didn't see this until now. *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS*

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! *lots of hugs back*