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Oct. 14th, 2007 09:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Last night, I came out to my mom, while I was making arrangements for the holidays.
I'm not sure how it happened exactly beyond, "she asked, I told". She told me several times that she still loves me unconditionally, but she does not condone my "lifestyle", and does not want "it" in her house - especially since my sister is 16 years old.
What does that mean? Well, when Kellie and I go to St. Louis, we are going to stay in a hotel. Out of respect for my mom's wishes and also to allow everyone keep their sanity.
I'm sure that my mom will have so many questions - and I'll have to find out how to answer them all. But I will definitely let her know that I am still the same daughter that she's known and loved all these years. Nothing has changed beyone who I am sharing my life with.
It does bother me some that my mom doesn't want "it" in her house - what is she talking about anyways? That she doesn't want the queerness in her house, afraid that it is contagious or something? Is she afraid that we'll "convert" my sister? That we'll be obnoxious, flamboyant and in everyone's faces?
Whatever it is, I will probably find out soon enough. Right now, I'm just feeling so many things, I don't know where to start. I'm still reeling from the fact that it happened, and that my mom didn't yell at me - and I was the one doing all the crying.
I'm not sure how it happened exactly beyond, "she asked, I told". She told me several times that she still loves me unconditionally, but she does not condone my "lifestyle", and does not want "it" in her house - especially since my sister is 16 years old.
What does that mean? Well, when Kellie and I go to St. Louis, we are going to stay in a hotel. Out of respect for my mom's wishes and also to allow everyone keep their sanity.
I'm sure that my mom will have so many questions - and I'll have to find out how to answer them all. But I will definitely let her know that I am still the same daughter that she's known and loved all these years. Nothing has changed beyone who I am sharing my life with.
It does bother me some that my mom doesn't want "it" in her house - what is she talking about anyways? That she doesn't want the queerness in her house, afraid that it is contagious or something? Is she afraid that we'll "convert" my sister? That we'll be obnoxious, flamboyant and in everyone's faces?
Whatever it is, I will probably find out soon enough. Right now, I'm just feeling so many things, I don't know where to start. I'm still reeling from the fact that it happened, and that my mom didn't yell at me - and I was the one doing all the crying.
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Date: 2007-10-14 04:15 pm (UTC)As soon as she figured out I was bi she made it another excuse to be nasty.
I'm sure your mum will get used to the idea in time, and ease up a bit. She probably just needs tsome educating right now.
*hugs* Good luck with it.
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Date: 2007-10-15 02:57 am (UTC)I think that she will need some time - as well as my answering her questions and whatever else she needs/wants to know.
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Date: 2007-10-14 04:17 pm (UTC)However, having said that, I'm glad it went relatively well for you, though it's sad that you're going to have to stay in a hotel. I hope the holiday is stress-free as it can be for you and Kellie and your family. ♥♥♥
*BIG HUGS*
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Date: 2007-10-15 02:59 am (UTC)We don't have to stay in a hotel, it was more of a "let's keep the drama to a minimum" situation. It would be far easier to stay in a hotel (at least this year), so my mom can work on getting a level of "okay-ness" with everything.
*big hugs* Good luck to you, if/when you come out to your mom!
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Date: 2007-10-15 03:02 am (UTC)I've always suspected that my mom knows I'm at least bi, but she's never said anything to me about it. Still though, given the year she's had, I am not about to spring something of this magnitude on her anytime soon.
*hugs* ♥
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Date: 2007-10-15 02:31 pm (UTC)Besides, I was keeping my mouth shut because I didn't want to be told that I could no longer talk to my sister.
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Date: 2007-10-14 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-14 04:41 pm (UTC)Carly, congrats on having the courage to come out to your mom :-)
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Date: 2007-10-15 03:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 03:00 am (UTC)And that icon is very funny. :-)
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Date: 2007-10-14 04:49 pm (UTC)She had a similar reaction to your mom's. It's settled into something we rarely talk about (which at the moment I'm okay with because even if I were straight I wouldn't discuss my sex life with my mom), and we're actually closer now than we were before.
But I'll admit that the not-talking about it's frustrating sometimes. If I were to ever settle into a long-term relationship, that would have to change. I'd insist on it. But I think now, my mom would be okay with that.
It's not easy, coming out to your parents, and it's a difficult road at first, but they do love you. Keep that in mind. Even if they don't agree with you, even if they think you've made the wrong "lifestyle choice" (God, I hate that phrase), they still love you.
*hugs* You can do this, hon. It's probably going to be weird on both sides for a little while, but you'll ease into it.
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Date: 2007-10-15 03:23 am (UTC)I'm preparing myself for the inevitable questions, whatever they are. One of the bigger things will be trying to explain that I wasn't converted/recruited and no, I'm not going to infect my sister with Teh Gayness.
*hugs* Thank you so much - I'm so glad to have this support! :-)
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Date: 2007-10-14 05:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 03:03 am (UTC)I was expecting it to be far worse than it was. I expected her to yell at me and tell me that I was no longer her daughter or something. Now, I wasn't expecting her to say that she was going to join PFLAG or anything - I doubt that will ever happen.
Right now, I'm just so happy that she still loves me.
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Date: 2007-10-14 05:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 03:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-14 06:51 pm (UTC)I'm proud of you and hope that everything turns out okay. I'm sure "it" is the mindset that you'd behave in the same way with a woman that you might if you were bringing home a man. She might feel like now that you're out, you're REALLY going to be out and making out during dinner and talking about dental dams. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just be you.
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Date: 2007-10-14 09:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-14 09:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 03:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 06:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 03:12 am (UTC)I'm not sure what "it" is, but I'm sure that I'll find out at some point! Maybe it is that mindset you mentioned. Maybe it's some unfounded worry that I'm going to march into the house and be obnoxious and in-your-face about my sexuality. Hopefully, I can prove to my mom that I am the same person, and that nothing has changed.
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Date: 2007-10-14 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 03:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-14 08:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 03:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-14 08:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 03:06 am (UTC)*hugs*
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Date: 2007-10-14 09:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-15 03:09 am (UTC)There's a lot ahead of me, and seeing the support I've been getting, I'm so happy to see that I have friends that will stand by me. *hugs back*
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Date: 2007-10-15 03:16 am (UTC)Her reaction may not have been very positive, but it was better than I'd anticipated. My hope is that in time, she'll at least come around and realize that gay people aren't bad, and that we're far more than what she sees on TV!
*hugs*
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Date: 2007-10-15 09:52 pm (UTC)What is it with Mormons? For a group of people with some pretty progressive ideas (Jesus in America, the head of the church is a prophet), they sure seem to want to hang on to some really outdated ideas as well.
It would seem that Mario Kart on Sunday is a MAJOR transgression.
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Date: 2007-10-16 03:56 am (UTC)I have no idea what the deal/damage is with Mormons. It took them until the mid-1970s to allow African-American men to hold positions in the priesthood. It'll probably take another 50+ years for them to not be so jackass-y towards women, and far more after that to be at least okay with gays.
Yeah, Mario Kart on Sunday could be a transgression - especially since they take the Jewish stance of "no (unnecessary) working on the Sabbath". I remember that my stepdad would not let my brother and I watch MTV or listen to rock music on Sundays.
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Date: 2007-10-15 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-10-16 03:57 am (UTC)