hiddenmuse | (no subject)

Disclaimer - if you don't want to read about sex ... especially masturbation ... you'd be better off skipping this entry. :)

Being on antidepressants (especially any drug that affects Serotonin levels) seems to have the less-than-swell side effect of fucking with your orgasmic ability. Sure, the drug information says "abnormal ejaculation/orgasm" is a side effect ... what they don't say is "you're gonna be pummelling the hell out of your punani* before you can get anywhere near coming, so give up while you're ahead."

When I first stumbled upon that "lovely" side effect, I was experiencing Paxil's version of a near-interminable cocaine high. (Not that I've had any personal experience with cocaine - it's just how I'd heard someone else describe the Paxil-induced mania) Yes, I was cursed with the fact that acheiving orgasm had become my personal Holy Grail - and the fact that Paxil had me feeling rather insatiable, and constantly horny. G*d can be so cruel sometimes, you think?

Anyways, back in those days (1996), I found that I had to get into extremes to get off. My fantasies went into dark terrain - things that scared me to death in actuality. I fantasized of being submissive - sometimes even using wax and improvised nipple clamps to heighten the sensation. (Keep in mind that in this same time, I was also engaging in small-time cutting as a way to remind myself that I was human and by seeing blood, I had substance. Not a good time in my life.)

Well, Effexor, while being a decent drug, has the same "you'll be pounding the bejesus out of your punani..." side effect as any other antidepressant I've been on. As well as the "you'll only get horny a couple times a month - deal with it, bee-yotch." side effect, which is entirely new to me.

Thankfully, I haven't had to resort to extreme sexuality to get off - which is a good thing, considering that I look at shaving my *legs* once a week to be high-maintenance ... nevermind having to shave anything else to aid my getting off.

Although, I did find that if I wanted to get off while jilling off, it would take far more than my hands and a dirty mind. And that because it still took a long time, it would become a weekends-only affair.

If I didn't have a couple of dildos in my possession, I think I'd be terribly frustrated, because I've found that I need penetration in order to get off. And a hell of a lot of lube when starting out - regardless of how worked up I might be in the beginning. (Yeah, even the idea of being in an orgy with my gal, Steven Page and Ed Robertson doesn't always get the juices flowing. Well, it gets me sufficiently aroused - but the wetness isn't happening.)

Anyways, today I finally broke down and bought a back massager I'd been lusting after for months. $50 at Brookstone, and the fucking thing is NOISY. But, it can be used while charging up (yes, it's cordless) which is good. Unfortunately, my girl parts are sore now from the 2 1/2 times I used it - while it was plugged in to charge. (The first time was the 1/2 time, because I didn't think to use a toy, so while I was coming, it just didn't really occur to me that it was happening. I was expecting fireworks - and got a sparkler in return.)

Unlike past back massagers-cum-vibrators, this thing is as powerful as it is noisy. I like that I can have it on my pubic bone - without having to work my clit into a state of near-paralysis - and still get off good and fierce. Now, if I can just let it alone long enough to charge, so I can transport it to other rooms in the apartment - perhaps my body can recover and I won't feel so damned sore.

*Punani is now my current favorite term to describe my vulva - you know, a pussy. I just like that it sounds simultaneously exotic and naughty. ;)