The Prodigal Daughter of the Prozac Nation

[hiddenmuse]

You know how I said that I wouldn't join an lj community for people suffering from depression because they can be so fucking depressing? Well, I've given in and joined depression and imstillhere, communities for depressives and general mental health discussion.

I can't keep doing this alone, as much as I'd love to just burrow myself into a hole somewhere and hide from it all. I need to keep getting help - and I really need to get back to my doctor & back on the meds. I need to tell the doctor that I hate the sexual side effects from the antidepressants - that may be part of the reason I keep going off the drugs, to be honest. That, and the fact that I'm such a cocky fuck ... getting better, then getting proud and going off my antidepressant du jour, only to feel like shit and have to go back on again. Of course, by the time I have to go back on, my body has acclimated to not being on the medication, the side effects are worse and/or wierder, and I go off again because I can't wait out the 4-6 weeks for the side effects to go away.

In other words, hello world, I'm a fuck-up. I'd rather let my pride get in the way of getting better, rather than admit that I'm having problems with the medications, or that I do the most idiotic thing possible by going off the meds once I start to feel better.

And that's what I've been doing lately - allowing pride to keep me from getting better, and allowing my depression to send me into a shame spiral of guilt, near-paranoia, excesses and other fun things.

Comments

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

You know, I had the exact same problem on Paxil. It made me hypomanic and damn-near insatiable, but I couldn't have an orgasm for anything. Such a catch-22 there.

Although, I don't think the co-worker I flashed while hopped up on Paxil would've minded - he was 16 and happy to see tits (I was 22 at the time). *evil grin*