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I *love* MAD magazine - and I have for as long as I can remember.
This month, they had "MAD's Handy Glossary to the War on Terror". Wickedly funny, and I had to share:
Acceptable Losses: Attorney General John Ashcroft's stance on the Bill of Rights, except for #2 and #10.
"Another Vietnam": A ridiculous assertion made by the war's opponents, who don't comprehend the very significant differences between the Middle East and Southeast Asia: you can sell a barrel of oil for much more than a barrel of rice.
"Bring It On": W's taunt to America's enemies, apparently meant to intimidate the sort of people who already blow themselves up with a smile.
Broad-based International Coalition: 139,000 U.S. troops, and a guy from Bulgaria.
Chemical Weapons: Something the Iraqi devils probably used on U.S. troops during the 1991 war. (However, Pentagon doctors want to remind all veterans reading this that any symptoms of "Gulf War Syndrome" are 100% imaginary.)
Collateral Damage: The official military explanation as to why there are so many empty seats lately in Umm Qasr's 4th grade classrooms.
Cynic: The administration's term for anybody who'd kind of like to see even one bottle turn up from that massive Iraqi supply of "25,000 liters of anthrax, 38,000 liters of botulinum toxin, and 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent" George Bush trumpeted in his State of the Union address.
Democracy: A hypothetical form of government promised to the people of Kabul, Baghdad and Miami.
Embedded Reporter: A professional journalist who will report fully, fairly and without bias on the same people he's dependent upon to keep his ass alive.
Freeing The Iraqi People: White House catch phrase #3, when it turned out that "weapons of mass destruction" and "link to al-Qaeda" didn't work so good.
"Hearts and Minds of the Iraqi People": That stuff CNN and FOX don't show you, splattered all over the Iraqi rubble.
Increased Chatter: Endless background noise heard on CNN, FOX News and talk radio from thousands of pundits who apparently think that "No blood for oil!" or "I support the troops!" are exceptionally deep statements.
Intelligence Failure: Calling the war a "crusade," declaring the fighting "over," inviting motivated killers to "bring it on," or whatever boneheaded thing Bush says NEXT week.
Mass Surrender: What the media does at every Bush press conference.
"Mission Accomplished": The White House definition of knocking over a statue.
Nation-Building: Something you sort of have to do after bombing a nation into jillions of teeny pieces.
Preemptive Warfare: A brand-new U.S. policy, apparently thought up after seeing a Mike Tyson weigh-in.
Small Pockets of Protesters: The continent of Europe.
So, if anyone says that MAD magazine is just dumb fun - or just for kids - you can pass that glossary along. ;)
But, if you're looking for a magazine that is smart and fun in its own right, then check out Mental Floss magazine. I read their Hoax Issue and just about went ass over teakettle for the 'zine. But, that's just the kind of girl I am. ~:^)
This month, they had "MAD's Handy Glossary to the War on Terror". Wickedly funny, and I had to share:
Acceptable Losses: Attorney General John Ashcroft's stance on the Bill of Rights, except for #2 and #10.
"Another Vietnam": A ridiculous assertion made by the war's opponents, who don't comprehend the very significant differences between the Middle East and Southeast Asia: you can sell a barrel of oil for much more than a barrel of rice.
"Bring It On": W's taunt to America's enemies, apparently meant to intimidate the sort of people who already blow themselves up with a smile.
Broad-based International Coalition: 139,000 U.S. troops, and a guy from Bulgaria.
Chemical Weapons: Something the Iraqi devils probably used on U.S. troops during the 1991 war. (However, Pentagon doctors want to remind all veterans reading this that any symptoms of "Gulf War Syndrome" are 100% imaginary.)
Collateral Damage: The official military explanation as to why there are so many empty seats lately in Umm Qasr's 4th grade classrooms.
Cynic: The administration's term for anybody who'd kind of like to see even one bottle turn up from that massive Iraqi supply of "25,000 liters of anthrax, 38,000 liters of botulinum toxin, and 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent" George Bush trumpeted in his State of the Union address.
Democracy: A hypothetical form of government promised to the people of Kabul, Baghdad and Miami.
Embedded Reporter: A professional journalist who will report fully, fairly and without bias on the same people he's dependent upon to keep his ass alive.
Freeing The Iraqi People: White House catch phrase #3, when it turned out that "weapons of mass destruction" and "link to al-Qaeda" didn't work so good.
"Hearts and Minds of the Iraqi People": That stuff CNN and FOX don't show you, splattered all over the Iraqi rubble.
Increased Chatter: Endless background noise heard on CNN, FOX News and talk radio from thousands of pundits who apparently think that "No blood for oil!" or "I support the troops!" are exceptionally deep statements.
Intelligence Failure: Calling the war a "crusade," declaring the fighting "over," inviting motivated killers to "bring it on," or whatever boneheaded thing Bush says NEXT week.
Mass Surrender: What the media does at every Bush press conference.
"Mission Accomplished": The White House definition of knocking over a statue.
Nation-Building: Something you sort of have to do after bombing a nation into jillions of teeny pieces.
Preemptive Warfare: A brand-new U.S. policy, apparently thought up after seeing a Mike Tyson weigh-in.
Small Pockets of Protesters: The continent of Europe.
So, if anyone says that MAD magazine is just dumb fun - or just for kids - you can pass that glossary along. ;)
But, if you're looking for a magazine that is smart and fun in its own right, then check out Mental Floss magazine. I read their Hoax Issue and just about went ass over teakettle for the 'zine. But, that's just the kind of girl I am. ~:^)
