(no subject)

Almost one week of being back on the Effexor XR for the eleventy billionth time (or so it feels), and this time, I think I had a lot of things shake me up and remind me of why I should stay on this time.

The biggest had to be the physical side effects of a depressive episode - trouble sleeping (or oversleeping), overeating, feeling absolutely fatigued so easily and the one thing that was like a huge flashing sign: my work performance was slowly and surely going downhill. I was making mistakes, misplacing things, not doing as much work-wise and dreading having to call clients.

The anxiety was nearing paranoia at times, and I was turning into this neurotic bundle of nerves - someone even I wouldn't want to be around.

The biggest realization I've made is that the next time I decide to do something stupid like going off my meds, that next relapse could land me in the hospital, because every episode only gets worse and worse.

I have people that I'm responsible to - people I check in with - basically to let them know that I've been taking my meds, because they are authorized to kick my ass if I don't take my meds. And those people should know that if I don't come around, you CAN hunt my ass down and pester me - even if I'm feeling antisocial.

Now, I must be going - it's almost 6:00 here, and I should get home so I can do laundry and clean up the living room. I'll write more later, I'm sure.

My Apartment, My Sauna

Apparently the depression is being lifted to at least a small degree, as I spent a good part of the evening starting in on cleaning up my apartment tonight.

It was mainly a "throw shit out almost indiscriminately" night. I did put some things aside to be sorted through tomorrow night - anything that looked like an important piece of mail, a medical bill to be turned into the Cafeteria Plan for reimbursement, or a CD I'd schlepped home from work weeks ago and thought I'd lost forever - namely my For The Kids CD. :)

After four bags of trash - mostly Sunday papers I'd neglected to throw out and the local weekly I'd read once & wanted to hold onto, thinking I'd want to read it again ... ummm, wrong! - and sweating my ass off (either the apartment truly is hotter than Hell, or that Effexor side effect of sweating (almost profusely) is kicking in), I have made a dent in the apartment. Sure, there is more to be done, but in the meantime, I'm happy that I was able to at least muster up enough energy to get as much done as I did.