The Last Few Hours of 29
Jul. 30th, 2003 10:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hiddenmuseYessiree ... just a few hours left of my 20s. Then, I move into the 30s.
I've done a lot of living in those ten years. I've had love affairs with a few girls; worked at a variety of jobs - temping, retail, etc.; had a relationship with an abusive partner; made friends - and lost some as well; graduated from college; saw my brother go off to University, and my sister go from adorable newborn to an average pre-teen; been to several states and Canada; fallen in (and out of) love; had innumerable crushes on people; and learned a lot about myself.
When I was 13, I had seriously thought of ending it all, because I was so miserable and despondent. For once, I'm glad that I was too chickenshit to do something, because if I'd ended it all at 13, I would've missed out on the many experiences that have shaped my 30 years of existence so far.
Sure, not all of those experiences were sunshine and happiness pie, but I've learned that life isn't always going to be sunshine and happiness. That we're going to have cloudy days from time to time - and that just goes with the territory. That when those days stay cloudy and the sun fails to come out for a long time - then, you should talk to someone, and possibly get treatment.
I've noticed the beginnings of crow's feet around my eyes, and it doesn't bother me. I'm not demanding Botox injections, or rushing the cosmetics counter at a department store looking for a quick-fix remedy. I think of those lines coming around as sign that I've been living a good life - I earned those lines, dammit! As for the hair - well I've had some gray strands since my early 20s. And I made up my mind a long time ago that when my hair starts growing in mostly gray - that's when I'll lay off the hair color.
I don't feel any different. Not yet, at least. Tomorrow is another day, and I'll see how I'm feeling then.
I've done a lot of living in those ten years. I've had love affairs with a few girls; worked at a variety of jobs - temping, retail, etc.; had a relationship with an abusive partner; made friends - and lost some as well; graduated from college; saw my brother go off to University, and my sister go from adorable newborn to an average pre-teen; been to several states and Canada; fallen in (and out of) love; had innumerable crushes on people; and learned a lot about myself.
When I was 13, I had seriously thought of ending it all, because I was so miserable and despondent. For once, I'm glad that I was too chickenshit to do something, because if I'd ended it all at 13, I would've missed out on the many experiences that have shaped my 30 years of existence so far.
Sure, not all of those experiences were sunshine and happiness pie, but I've learned that life isn't always going to be sunshine and happiness. That we're going to have cloudy days from time to time - and that just goes with the territory. That when those days stay cloudy and the sun fails to come out for a long time - then, you should talk to someone, and possibly get treatment.
I've noticed the beginnings of crow's feet around my eyes, and it doesn't bother me. I'm not demanding Botox injections, or rushing the cosmetics counter at a department store looking for a quick-fix remedy. I think of those lines coming around as sign that I've been living a good life - I earned those lines, dammit! As for the hair - well I've had some gray strands since my early 20s. And I made up my mind a long time ago that when my hair starts growing in mostly gray - that's when I'll lay off the hair color.
I don't feel any different. Not yet, at least. Tomorrow is another day, and I'll see how I'm feeling then.
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no subject
Date: 2003-07-30 10:01 pm (UTC)That makes me so happy. It gives me hope. Thank you so much. I now see my life from another prospective and I think I'll be thinking the same thing when I'm older.
Happy Birthday!!!
no subject
Date: 2003-07-31 08:21 am (UTC)no subject
I feel much more confident now and I'm not sure how it happened, but I think as I get older I am just naturally becoming more comfortable with who I am and what I want and not trying to live up to anyone's expectations except my own. I hope the same thing happens to you. You more than deserve it! I also hope you're wearing your tiara and being your most regal.
no subject
Date: 2003-07-31 12:21 pm (UTC)