hiddenmuse | Don't tell me to not worry!

That's a pet peeve for me, when people tell me to not worry over something. For the record, that just makes me more anxious. And right now, that's the last thing I need.

I almost wonder if it's in my nature to worry over everything. Perhaps related to the whole "firstborn" thing, and that need to make sure that everyone and everyting is taken care of, that nothing's out of place.

Or, it's just my dysfunctional thinking, courtesy of the depression that seems to want to keep a stronghold on my mind, refusing to let go, no matter what I try.

It's the mindset I got myself all screwed up into - that whole idea of presenting a happy face, keeping up appearances, etc. Not letting people see you sweat or suffer. The mentality that only serves as self-sabotage in the end, when it all comes down. I'm not going to lay blame on anyone - it's entirely possible that this is all my own doing. My own damn fault.

I've gotten myself into this mess, I can get myself out. As long as I can reach out to another and ask for help. That's the hardest part.