Two Sides To Every Story
Mar. 26th, 2003 09:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hiddenmuseYou know, I have to be careful. With the good things that are happening recently, and the fact that my mood is starting to lift (thanks Effexor!), I have to be careful & make sure that I don't get cocky and go off my meds again ... or have something absolutely minor happen that completely kills my mood and puts me on a downward spiral.
I know, it may sound absolutely silly ... but if I want to commit myself to keeping my mental health on an even keel, I have to watch out for those little things that tripped me up in the past.
Maybe it's just that it's been so long since I've been truly happy - not that I haven't had moments and days of genuine happiness without meds - that I don't know what to do, or how to feel!! So of course, my pretty little mind gets wound up in almost-unrealistic fears of going into major highs, like I did with Paxil years ago. I guess I'm worried that my happiness is a possible predecessor to mania. Or that this happiness is a disingenuous sort of happiness.
I just know that right now, I'm going through my share of emotions, and that I have a very real concern (that I may try to go off my medication for the eleventy billionth time). Watch, this could just be PMS and me being hypersensitive to everything ... it would be my luck.
I know, it may sound absolutely silly ... but if I want to commit myself to keeping my mental health on an even keel, I have to watch out for those little things that tripped me up in the past.
Maybe it's just that it's been so long since I've been truly happy - not that I haven't had moments and days of genuine happiness without meds - that I don't know what to do, or how to feel!! So of course, my pretty little mind gets wound up in almost-unrealistic fears of going into major highs, like I did with Paxil years ago. I guess I'm worried that my happiness is a possible predecessor to mania. Or that this happiness is a disingenuous sort of happiness.
I just know that right now, I'm going through my share of emotions, and that I have a very real concern (that I may try to go off my medication for the eleventy billionth time). Watch, this could just be PMS and me being hypersensitive to everything ... it would be my luck.
