Addressing the matter in my own way...
Jan. 28th, 2003 11:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hiddenmuseRather than risk flipping out in the ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
bisexual or bi_people communities over this, I'm going to discuss it here.
Apparently in another lj community - that I'm not a part of, and that shall remain anonymous - someone made the comment that in their opinion "bisexuals do not exist". That they're horny and confused, that it's all about sex.
Well, this has obviously stirred up strong emotions in people involved in both communities. Now, I'm going to offer my perspective on it all.
When I first became aware of my sexuality, and the fact that I didn't just like men, I was about 17, 18 years old, and saw things as black-and-white. No blurring the lines allowed. You're either gay or straight. Can't trust bisexuals for anything - they're dithery, and they'd only break your heart in the end.
So, as you can guess, my initial coming out was *interesting*. I was one of those gung-ho baby dykes. Thought of myself as badass because I liked girls. When I was with my girlfriends, I found myself looking at (and developing crushes on) the opposite sex. But I couldn't go along with that - it went against who (I thought) I was at the time.
After having my heart broken by my girlfriends (one that I had a more platonic relationship with, the other a more physical relationship), I went into "relationship hiding". Basically, I didn't date *anyone*. I wanted to have a couple months' downtime, to be emotionally ready for a new relationship.
What I wasn't expecting was to fall in love with a man. This meant that I was becoming the one thing I despised: one of those people, a bisexual. But, I couldn't run around denying that I had all-around feelings for both sexes. I had to get past my own internalized homophobia, which surely wasn't easy.
I'd had several years of relationships with men before I met my ex-girlfriend a couple of years ago. Here, it wasn't a matter of waking up one morning and deciding, "hey self - I'm going to sleep with women this month, alright?" It was a matter of meeting someone that I connected with at least on an emotional level, and had enough in common with her to carry on a relationship for a couple of months.
My relationship with my current girlfriend was again, another near-fluky thing. We'd become well-acquainted, and discovered over time that we had feelings for each other. Sure, she's a lesbian, and does know of my bisexuality. I admire her for putting up with my getting silly over men like I do sometimes. Then again, she knows that I'd get just as silly over her as well. ;) Our relationship is based on more than physical attraction - actually, I think it encompasses all aspects of any good relationship: emotional, spiritual, physical.
To sum it up, I have learned that sexuality is a fluid thing for *everyone*. That I will probably encounter homophobia in my life, from people that don't understand bisexuality - or even people with misconceptions about bisexuality. Some people will go around with the mistaken idea in their heads that bisexuals are greedy, horny fence-sitters that are looking to fuck anything that moves. I may be one person, but if I can help someone change their thinking about bisexuals, then I've done my job. :) (And for the record, I am not greedy or a fence-sitter. Horny, maybe - but I'm monogamous, thank you. And I have standards ... heh)
Edited to add: I'm not comfortable with the idea of people being labeled as bisexual because they've kissed someone of the same sex once or twice. In my opinion, if you've kissed, fooled around with, or slept with someone of the same sex in the spirit of experimentation, you are still considered heterosexual in my book. It's all about fluidity, my friends.
We are SEXUAL, first and foremost. Once we can grasp that concept, then we can fuss over the prefixes. Think of it that way. :)
bisexual or bi_people communities over this, I'm going to discuss it here.Apparently in another lj community - that I'm not a part of, and that shall remain anonymous - someone made the comment that in their opinion "bisexuals do not exist". That they're horny and confused, that it's all about sex.
Well, this has obviously stirred up strong emotions in people involved in both communities. Now, I'm going to offer my perspective on it all.
When I first became aware of my sexuality, and the fact that I didn't just like men, I was about 17, 18 years old, and saw things as black-and-white. No blurring the lines allowed. You're either gay or straight. Can't trust bisexuals for anything - they're dithery, and they'd only break your heart in the end.
So, as you can guess, my initial coming out was *interesting*. I was one of those gung-ho baby dykes. Thought of myself as badass because I liked girls. When I was with my girlfriends, I found myself looking at (and developing crushes on) the opposite sex. But I couldn't go along with that - it went against who (I thought) I was at the time.
After having my heart broken by my girlfriends (one that I had a more platonic relationship with, the other a more physical relationship), I went into "relationship hiding". Basically, I didn't date *anyone*. I wanted to have a couple months' downtime, to be emotionally ready for a new relationship.
What I wasn't expecting was to fall in love with a man. This meant that I was becoming the one thing I despised: one of those people, a bisexual. But, I couldn't run around denying that I had all-around feelings for both sexes. I had to get past my own internalized homophobia, which surely wasn't easy.
I'd had several years of relationships with men before I met my ex-girlfriend a couple of years ago. Here, it wasn't a matter of waking up one morning and deciding, "hey self - I'm going to sleep with women this month, alright?" It was a matter of meeting someone that I connected with at least on an emotional level, and had enough in common with her to carry on a relationship for a couple of months.
My relationship with my current girlfriend was again, another near-fluky thing. We'd become well-acquainted, and discovered over time that we had feelings for each other. Sure, she's a lesbian, and does know of my bisexuality. I admire her for putting up with my getting silly over men like I do sometimes. Then again, she knows that I'd get just as silly over her as well. ;) Our relationship is based on more than physical attraction - actually, I think it encompasses all aspects of any good relationship: emotional, spiritual, physical.
To sum it up, I have learned that sexuality is a fluid thing for *everyone*. That I will probably encounter homophobia in my life, from people that don't understand bisexuality - or even people with misconceptions about bisexuality. Some people will go around with the mistaken idea in their heads that bisexuals are greedy, horny fence-sitters that are looking to fuck anything that moves. I may be one person, but if I can help someone change their thinking about bisexuals, then I've done my job. :) (And for the record, I am not greedy or a fence-sitter. Horny, maybe - but I'm monogamous, thank you. And I have standards ... heh)
Edited to add: I'm not comfortable with the idea of people being labeled as bisexual because they've kissed someone of the same sex once or twice. In my opinion, if you've kissed, fooled around with, or slept with someone of the same sex in the spirit of experimentation, you are still considered heterosexual in my book. It's all about fluidity, my friends.
We are SEXUAL, first and foremost. Once we can grasp that concept, then we can fuss over the prefixes. Think of it that way. :)
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no subject
Date: 2003-01-28 09:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-01-28 10:10 pm (UTC)sorry to ramble, i dont follow the bi communities or even the lesbian ones much and all the drama is kind of why. its hard to find anyone who can give me support with this...
no subject
Donia
no subject
Date: 2003-01-28 10:43 pm (UTC)then there was a man.
i've been back and forth and i just know one thing.
i fell in love with a person.
people, not parts.
i dont classify myself as anything but me.
and i dont know where i stand.
"
We are SEXUAL, first and foremost. Once we can grasp that concept, then we can fuss over the prefixes. Think of it that way. :)"
Carly, you're awesome. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-01-28 10:47 pm (UTC)Yeah, I do identify as "lesbian". But I think anyone who's been within 2 feet of me in the last few months knows that I'm getting all goofy over Jimmy Fallon. It's not a sexual thing... but I get all goofy nonetheless. Does it mean I want to hop in the sack with him? No.
Some might think that makes me some sort of traitor. There are a lot of things in my past that someone might point to and say that. But you know the only thing that it makes me?? ME.
And I really don't care what or who makes you all giddy. As far as I'm concerned... as long as I'm the one who makes you the giddiest and you stick with me... I'm happy. :)
no subject
Date: 2003-01-29 05:29 am (UTC)from
"Someone told me it's because they find the thought of gay sex repulsive. All right. To most straight men, gay sex is repulsive. But the smell of green beans makes me want to wretch. I'm not out there shouting insults at farmers. Against your religion? Believe it's a sin? Read your book again. So is lying, cheating, fornication, and greed. Go direct some of that hatred at your politician and priest first. They are much bigger targets. I'm told that people hate what they don't understand. Ok. Most people don't understand quantum physics, but no one is out there tossing bricks at Stephen Hawking."
no subject
Date: 2003-01-29 08:13 pm (UTC)I loved that - thanks for sharing it! :)
no subject
Date: 2003-01-30 06:35 am (UTC)