hiddenmuse: (Hardcore Raffi)
[personal profile] hiddenmuse
In the past couple of months, I've been starting to think about dating again. It's kind of tricky for me, because not only am I navigating the world as someone that's been out of that realm for almost 13 years (11 years in a relationship/marriage and 2 years since the separation - and divorce being finalized last year), but I'm also coming into it as someone that's:  (a) willing to date either a man or a woman, and (b) not all that interested in something particularly physical/sexual - I have nothing against hot and heavy make out sessions, but I'm just not really all that excited about sex at this point in my life.

What makes it awkward is that one of my friends on Facebook (well, he's more like a friend of a friend), while well-meaning, is kind of annoying when it comes to the whole relationship thing. I'd mentioned something about one of the frustrations of having seizures being that afterwards I'm alone and don't have someone to reach out to for reassurance - I wasn't looking for pity, just venting - and in response I got "You've got the job, now you just need the spouse!" And you need a fucking truncheon bat to the back of your head, but that's neither here nor there. Ummm, no. Try again. I replied to him with a simple "Well, I already had the spouse. And while a boyfriend or girlfriend would be nice, I'm in no rush."  :)

Later, when I'd posted that picture of myself in the wee hours after my 42nd birthday - he commented that "the person that divorced me was crazy, that I'm a fantastic person, blah blah blah..." Just going on and on about how good of a person I am, almost like he was trying to trash-talk Kellie or something. Again, I took a diplomatic approach and said something to the effect of "Divorce happens, and that we're both happier and better off apart." (because it's true) The bad part is that *my mom* seemed to join in on the friend's chorus of my virtues. Ugh. Thanks...but not necessary, people.

But, all of that aside, I do have what I think of as "platonic crushes" on a couple of people. I call them that because the people I like, I have become friends with and my crushes on them are kind of on that level - although I'd have no problem with either person kissing me if they felt so inclined.

It's kind of doubtful though, because the girl I like has a girlfriend that she adores - and her girlfriend is really fucking nice and I don't want to interfere in that happiness. As for the guy, I'm thinking that it may not go beyond friends - even though he is straight, and I think he may have the idea that I'd go for a guy - I don't know his relationship status or even if he's looking for a relationship with anyone.

So I'm content to have those occasional crushes; sometimes flirt with people and have it just be that; and want to have never-ending conversations with smart people about things that interest us.
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hiddenmuse: (Default)

January 2017


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