Manic Panic Monday

[hiddenmuse]

After a sleepless night spent agonizing over nothing, and deciding that I hated that occasional dread I felt towards going to work, I am now back on my Effexor. For the eleventy billionth time. Okay, so maybe it's more like the 3rd time.

My problem with antidepressants - as it is for many others, I'm sure - is that after being on them for several weeks, you start to feel better. Yes, this is good, but it's also bad. It's bad, because you get cocky and decide that since you're feeling better, it's time to go off the meds! And when you do that, you're fine for a week or so. Then the depression creeps back in, until it wallops you so hard that you're down from the major suckerpunch.

It's a sometimes-maddening cycle, as you can guess. If it's not that, then it's the side effects, which sometimes malinger, even if they're only supposed to be "temporary". Yes, the side effects can occasionally feel as bad as the depression itself, which is not good at all.

But anyways, I'm back on the Effexor. Sleepless nights and small-time anxiety coupled with unpretty mood swings don't make for a very satisfying life at this point. And I'm willing to accept the near-constant yawning, dry mouth and occasional nausea that make the first 6 weeks hell.

Comments

I know the feeling...

[uncleelwyn.livejournal.com]

During one of the most difficult times of my life, it took a number of people telling me, and a major swallowing of pride, to finally opt for medication versus the "bucking up" I'd always done, and thought was the true way to fight off those symptoms.

It's a struggle I know well from recent history. I think the prevailing "mantra" was "This helps me function. It helps me not to cry. It helps me be me, and that's the point."

With or without, you're still you. But damnit sometimes if the rubber band on that mask doesn't get caught up in the hair sometimes, and you need some proverbial scissors to cut it out.

Re: I know the feeling...

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you for saying that. :)

I think that was something I needed to hear, and I appreciate that it came from you - someone who's been there.