hiddenmuse | Borrowed from Bust Magazine

My experience: In the song "Life In A Nutshell", Steven Page sings of his lover, "When she was three, her Barbies always did it on the first date." All I have to say is - first date? What first date? Sorry, but my Barbies were either getting their hair cut off, or being whored out to Ken on a regular basis. {Actually, the whoring of Barbie had me banned from playing Barbies at a friend's house.}

From Bust Magazine: An article called "Barbie Was My Original Ho", written by Leah Rumack. Leah pulled together a ten-step guide to what she'd learned from Slut Barbie - and I thought it was quite funny.

"I learned all about sex from my Barbie. She was always doing it - with Ken, with Donny, even with Skipper if we were in need of some plot excitement. Right there in the middle of the unfortunate shag carpeting of many a seventies rec room, Barbie was my original whore, and I still love her for it."

(1) Get kidnapped a lot and exposed to dangerous sexual innuendo from your Donny Osmond doll. Ask him what he wants to do with that hole in his hand besides hold his stupid microphone.

(2) Only spread your legs in the splits - it forces Ken to be more creative.

(3) Keep your pink plastic pumps on. Guys like that.

(4) Ensure that your breasts resemble nuclear torpedoes.

(5) Keep your eyes wide open during sex so that you can mentally record Ken's orgasmic facial gestures. Threaten to share this information if he doesn't get real hair.

(6) Thank your daddy for the nice pony he bought you.

(7) Don't take your head off your body and throw it across the room at your friend just because she won't give you the pink bed.

(8) Try out all the boy dolls. Discover that Magic Earring Ken is the best. Begin to worry.

(9) Wear a bikini to work like Chris on Charlie's Angels.

(10) Don't hang out with that dumb Cindy doll. Her eyes are too big for her head, and you know what that means.