Since I don't have a "Fuck You" icon

[hiddenmuse]

You know that elusive "It" that my mom talked about when I came out to her? The "It" that she didn't want in her house?

Well, apparently "It" is Kellie. Yeah, total sucker-punch there.

See for yourself in this redacted in some places e-mail I received today:

Carly -

You are a hard person to reach.₁ I hope all is going well for you and you are doing okay.

T. and I are doing well. She took a leave of absence from XYZ Co. They didn't want her to quit, but she liked ABC better because they let her do whatever she wants there. She works as a server, or production or the window, and she was learning the grill. (At) XYZ Co., she would do just one thing, like casher for 6 hours straight. That got too old for her, she wanted more variety. So XYZ Co., told her she could come back whenever she wanted. Her boss asked if she would work, just one day a week. She might go back in the summer. She realizes she needs to get her studies up to par before anything. What else is nice. She told ABC that she didn't want to work on Sundays, and would like to work the days on Tuesdays so she could go to YW. They agreed to that, and they are giving her every Sat & Sun off. Not bad.

I hadn't heard from you about Christmas. I thought long and hard about this and spoke to T. Please don't get upset.₂

We want you to come, but not Kelly. Kelly seems to be a nice person, but, I am selfish, and want you to myself, so does T. If Kelly were to come w/you, we'd never see you. I love you and you are always welcomed home, but right now, Kelly is not. T. does not want her in the home, and I have to respect her wishes.₃

I hope you both can understand. We both love you Carly. You are my oldest daughter, and the love I have for you will never change. T. and I would like to spend time with you. We only see you once a year and just for a short period of time at that.

I hope you can understand. Call me, e-mail me and let me know.

Love you much!!!

Mom

---

As I'd said previously, she's not rushing out to join P-FLAG anytime soon - and as you can see here, she's kind of cementing that one.

I'm calling shenanigans on these things, hence the footnotes:

1. I was not hard to get a hold of. Truthfully, she didn't make any real effort to get in contact me. Unless she counts an e-mail forward as an attempt at contacting me.

2. "Please don't get upset" - the preface for the "We love you, but..." spiel

3. This would be what they call "telling me that Kellie is currently persona non grata, served with a dash of 'passing the blame'". I seriously doubt that my mom would let my sister's opinion dictate what happens in the house.

Try to keep in mind that this is the same person that blamed my sexual orientation on my dad, saying that it was his fault for not being around that made me "that way".


Yeah ... Way to be, mom - got more salt to pour in those wounds?

*sigh* I will never understand people. Especially my family.

Comments

[bnlfanofed.livejournal.com]

Oh my god. Carly, I am sooo sorry you have to deal with that!
That doesn't even seem fair to me. I can not imagine having to deal with prejudice and close-mindedness and unacceptance from my own family of all people.

Actually, I would not be going to see them at Christmas if it were me.

*hugs* to you and Kellie

[sigmaration.livejournal.com]

If the plane tickets were not already purchased and non-refundable, and the rental car already paid for.....

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It doesn't *feel* fair to me, honestly.

Kellie and I talked about it - how my brother and sister-in-law are accepted, my sister and her non-Mormon boyfriend are accepted. But, Kellie and I aren't. Go figure!

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

The only conceivable response to that, for me, is 'Go fuck yourself'.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Oh believe me ... I'm so ready to just say "fuck you and the horse you rode in on!" But, I'm a little too nice for my own good.

I sent off an e-mail that kind of said, "sorry mom, already made the plans!" and told her that we'd be happy to have them join us for shopping, visiting museums and dinner. Neutral territory, so if things get ugly, we can just "go to our respective corners" as Kellie put it.

[nikitaquincy.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm so sorry. :(

I think you should just not go home at all. I wouldn't in that situation. *hugs*

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thanks *hugs*

I'd love to not go home, but the tickets are non-refundable! :-( Ah well - we're staying in a hotel, so at least there's some kind of escape!

And I'm stealing that surly Pete icon - that's the perfect "fuck you!" :-)

[phillyword.livejournal.com]

oh sweetie. i am SO unbelievably sorry for this. i can't even BELIEVE it. there are no words. i am, seriously, speechless. love to you both.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you - believe me, it was a total shock and totally seemed to come out of nowhere.

:-) I love you too!

[verselus.livejournal.com]

Just mark me down as an angry man
Got a big chip, you want a fat lip?
How 'bout a mouthful of Chiclets?
Life passed me by, but it's not my fault
I'll lick my wounds, could you pass the salt?

It looked like you needed some Steve lovin', and that last line in your entry reminded me.

I'm proud of you and I seriously think that instead of throwing yourself to the lions that you should just stay with Kellie this Christmas. Be with the one you love.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Yay for Steve lovin'! :-)

Thank you so much - I'll be spending Christmas with Kellie (yay!), we're just going to see our parents the week before, since I couldn't get the week of Christmas for vacation.

[donia.livejournal.com]

Harsh! If it was me, I would remind my mother, politely, but firmly, that Kelly is now part of the family and since Christmas is a family holiday, she really needs to accept Kelly in that role. If she can't, then she should understand why I won't be making the trip home. I hope your mom gets it together soon.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it was really harsh. I'm hoping that she'll get it together, too.

Since I told her that Kellie and I will be staying in a hotel - out of respect for the family, since things are quite awkward, I think she'll get the idea that Kellie is my family too - like it or not.

[gardengnomegeek.livejournal.com]

Quite frankly, I think the only response you can give her is "Fuck off Mom and please don't ever contact me again until you can be a reasonable human being who accepts who I love and who I am with."

I can't live your life for you, but in my opinion, if you go home for Christmas, you are a doing a HUGE injustice to Kellie. We won't get to see you at all if Kellie is with you. What a bunch of horse shit. But if you were with a man, he would be welcome and wouldn't take up your time? The ability to hog one's time comes from having a uterus?

I'm a very firm believer that family is what you make it...not necessarily who you are related to by blood (if you happen to love your blood relatives, it is a great bonus) Kellie is your family. Spend the holidays with her.

[sigmaration.livejournal.com]

Well, my uterus is quite demanding...

We are going there together. Plane tickets and everything are already purchased. If Carly's mom wants to see her daughter, she's gotta deal with me as well.

[gardengnomegeek.livejournal.com]

Well then good!! If tickets are already purchased, go for sure. And just see who feels uncomfortable the whole time..it won't be you and Carly!

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to prepare myself for the idea that I may not be talking to my mom for a while ... but it may be necessary, as much as I hate it.

Thankfully we're going to be visit the families before Christmas, so we'll have the actual holidays to ourselves!

[gardengnomegeek.livejournal.com]

Sometimes Moms needed to be reminded they don't make all the rules. You shouldn't have to deal with that kind of stress in your life.

Hopefully your Mom will come around though....

[rosesandvine.livejournal.com]

I am SO so sorry. *Hugs*

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you *hugs*

I think/hope that it'll get better

[annie-bean.livejournal.com]

WOW..

I am so sorry babe. I want to say to tell your mom in no uncertain terms that if you come, Kellie comes, and if Kellie can't come, than unfortunately, neither can you..Her decision. but that's easier said than done.

I don't have anything better to say than what's been said before me, I am here to talk whenever you need me. *hugs and love*

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

I pretty much told her that Kellie and I had already made the plans - and she's coming with me, like it or not! :-P

Thank you! *hugs and love* back at ya!

[annie-bean.livejournal.com]

I am glad! Good for you! I am so proud of you! :D

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

this is the same person that blamed my sexual orientation on my dad, saying that it was his fault for not being around that made me "that way".

So lack of masculinity in your life made you prefer women? HOW THE HELL DOES THAT COMPUTE?

I agree with the wise people above who stated that the only response is "Go fuck yourself" and to have Christmahaunakwanzaa with Kelly.

Hell. Fly to Orlando and you two can have Christmas with ME.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Yeah! Apparently my step-dad didn't count in that one (I was about 19 when that happened) - ouch! Still, that made no sense to me.

I'd love to fly to Orlando to spend Christmahanukkwanza with you - but this year is apparently self-flagellation year! :-/ Thanks for the offer - I really appreciate it.

[honeybearbee.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you *hugs*

[kelpierocks.livejournal.com]

Hugs, hon. I hope that your mother realizes how badly she's fucked up before you're back there for the holidays. And changes her mind.

[feelingcold.livejournal.com]

Wow, that really sucks.
I'd stay in a hotel. They have a right to refuse house guests, as stupid as their reasons may be, but they can't keep someone from traveling with you. If they want more family time, they can accept that your personal family has expanded to include your girlfriend, and make her welcome for the holiday.

[becky11.livejournal.com]

Wow, that was really nice of her to wait until you'd expended money to reveal her true feelings. /end snark

I get the same type of 'feeling' from Dave's family - you know, since I have that bastard child by the man of another color - and I have absolutely no desire to make another trip up there. Luckily, Dave hasn't pushed the issue.

The way I see it now is that if they really want to spend time with you, they can come and visit you. It goes like this - you want me to spend my money to come and see you, you accept whomever I bring with me. Otherwise, you spend your own money and come and see me.

[kathykat.livejournal.com]

you are welcome to my FU icon, not sure if anyone else offered you one as I didn't read all the comments. I'm sorry you got that from your mom, parents can be maddening. My own reject me regularly and I have never been able to understand it. They didn't even send me a birthday card and have not called me in months and months. I'm always the one to try and frankly I'm tired of it.

So, ya. I have no good advice, only mean icons and supportive hugs!

:)