That whole religion thing

[hiddenmuse]

You know, I tried the whole religion thing for several months. I did enjoy it - especially since I was in a queer friendly church. But, unfortunately, my bad experience with religion kept rearing its ugly head, and any time I began to comtemplate the idea that contrary to what many would say, G*d loves me as I am, I'd just fucking lose it.

Don't get me wrong. I still believe that there is a G*d - male, female, Flying Spaghetti Monster - and that I am loved, no matter what. I have to constantly remind myself of that, since I grew up in a faith that tended towards being sexist and homophobic (and for a long time, racist).

Being made to feel like I was a bad person for being single well into my 20s, with well-intended friends trying to set me up with their single friends and/or relatives. Because of this, I felt like I was doing something wrong, since I saw women that were teenaged mothers getting married in their 20s - how come they could meet somene and get married? What about me?

Never feeling like I belonged - that I was just *there*, taking up space, filling a spot in a pew.

Just not getting the whole premise of the faith.

Having heard stories of friends being made to feel like horrible people for having mental illnesses - for the record, telling a depressive that they're "not strong enough spiritually" or "that they should pray harder", does *not* work and only makes matters much worse.

Trying so damned hard to be straight, to conform to what others expected of me, unable to find a confidante to discuss the frustration of being queer and not being able to tell anyone, for fear of being disowned by my family.


Yeah, definitely not a happy place there.

Comments

[screwthedaisies.livejournal.com]

God is good; religion, not so much. Not that religion hasn't done good things for people over the years, but on a weights and measures basis, organized religion comes across as an opportunistic exploitation of God for human purposes: think our way, act our way, live our way, believe our way--or god help you.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

That's so true. The faith I grew up in had that groupthink mentality you'd mentioned - "think our way, do this our way, believe our way, etc." Some of it was blatant, and some of it was unspoken - but it was there all the same.

Recently I saw a pin that really gave me a laugh: "Jesus called. He wants His religion back."