Therapy?!?

[hiddenmuse]

Well, I've finally done it. I've contacted a couple of therapists (mostly via e-mail, perfect for me - who hates to call people) - and have an appointment with one next week.

It's been well over three years since I discontinued therapy - when I moved to San Francisco. Unfortunately, my 50 years in therapy were for the birds, leaving me with a sense of internalized homophobia and a completely unfounded hatred of my father. When it came to my depression, she didn't even notice that it was happening, until I finally mentioned it to her (probably because I was keeping it under wraps very well). While I was in treatment with a psychiatrist, she'd asked me if I there was any SI (self-injury) - when I showed her my arms with the scars and few cuts, she seemed to be quite blasé about it.

Why didn't I quit? Because, this was a family therapist - someone that I was originally seeing with my family. And since I wasn't paying for the treatment, I felt like I had no choice, or way to change therapists.

Now, I just want to tell that woman that she fucked me up, severely. My relationship with my dad was completely fractured because between her and my mom, I had my mind filled with ideas that my dad was this horrible, horrible person. Yeah - I've been back in contact with him, and he's actually a good person, and I'm glad that he's back in my life.


I'm no longer under anyone's thumb - and since I'm paying for therapy with my own money (on Hello Kitty checks, no less!) I get to be in charge. Woohoo!


In other good news, I like my internist quite a bit - I went in for a visit today, and he has determined that I don't really need to come back, unless something comes up and I need to come back before an annual exam. This was so good to hear - especially since prior doctors wanted me to come back every several weeks or couple of months to monitor this, that or the other. So yay for awesome doctors!