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In response
Nov. 9th, 2007 06:49 amThis would be my response to my mom's e-mail, and those (probably unintentionally) hurtful comments she'd made. I haven't sent it out yet - it was just something I'd written in the middle of the night.
It hurt to read that, to realize that someone that I love dearly is basically an "It" because of her relationship with/to me. She is a part of *my* family, just as my sister-in-law is a part of the family, and my sister's boyfriend is a part of the family.
I'm not going to apologize for the fact that she's not the significant other my family would hope that I'd have in my life, that you're not going to have grandchildren (or nieces and nephews) by me. You may not agree with the choices I make, or how I live my life, but they're *my* choices and *my* life, and I'm finally owning up to - and accepting - that. Please try to be happy for the fact that I am happy, stable, and relatively healthy.
I'm not asking you to run off and join P-FLAG or anything like that right away. Take your time with this - I'm probably not the daughter you'd hoped that I would be, so you're probably feeling frustrated, confused, maybe even pissed off. And rightfully so, I'd say.
My hope is that you can realize that I *am* the same person that I was before I came out. I'm still the same loving, caring, intelligent person. I still have good manners and I play well with others. I'd never flaunt my sexuality in front of you, out of respect and decency. I still believe in God - even if I don't currently go to church, so I'm not the Godless heathen that you'd told me that gay people are, years ago.
This is not your fault. It's not dad's fault. It's not Perry's fault. I was not "converted" or "recruited" by anyone in any way, shape or form. This is something that I'd dealt with long before I even knew that I was gay. I'd spent so long questioning and doubting myself on it. I tried so hard to be "normal" and be what I was expected to be - and none of it worked.
I know that your hopes were to have a fine, upstanding, heterosexual child that you could be proud of; instead you have a fine, upstanding homosexual child that you may or may not be proud of.
Please know that while it hurt to hear that Kellie is not welcome in the house, we will respect your wishes and not stay in your house this year. As I'd said, we'd love to have you join us for shopping, visiting museums and going to dinner. This way, you can see me (and Kellie) on neutral territories, and if for some reason you feel uncomfortable, you have an "out" and you're not stuck with me/us.
I love you, mom. I love you very much.
-- Carly
Please realize that this letter is what woke me up at 3 in the morning, so I had to get it out into the open. Maybe I'll send it as it is, or try to refine it somehow...
It hurt to read that, to realize that someone that I love dearly is basically an "It" because of her relationship with/to me. She is a part of *my* family, just as my sister-in-law is a part of the family, and my sister's boyfriend is a part of the family.
I'm not going to apologize for the fact that she's not the significant other my family would hope that I'd have in my life, that you're not going to have grandchildren (or nieces and nephews) by me. You may not agree with the choices I make, or how I live my life, but they're *my* choices and *my* life, and I'm finally owning up to - and accepting - that. Please try to be happy for the fact that I am happy, stable, and relatively healthy.
I'm not asking you to run off and join P-FLAG or anything like that right away. Take your time with this - I'm probably not the daughter you'd hoped that I would be, so you're probably feeling frustrated, confused, maybe even pissed off. And rightfully so, I'd say.
My hope is that you can realize that I *am* the same person that I was before I came out. I'm still the same loving, caring, intelligent person. I still have good manners and I play well with others. I'd never flaunt my sexuality in front of you, out of respect and decency. I still believe in God - even if I don't currently go to church, so I'm not the Godless heathen that you'd told me that gay people are, years ago.
This is not your fault. It's not dad's fault. It's not Perry's fault. I was not "converted" or "recruited" by anyone in any way, shape or form. This is something that I'd dealt with long before I even knew that I was gay. I'd spent so long questioning and doubting myself on it. I tried so hard to be "normal" and be what I was expected to be - and none of it worked.
I know that your hopes were to have a fine, upstanding, heterosexual child that you could be proud of; instead you have a fine, upstanding homosexual child that you may or may not be proud of.
Please know that while it hurt to hear that Kellie is not welcome in the house, we will respect your wishes and not stay in your house this year. As I'd said, we'd love to have you join us for shopping, visiting museums and going to dinner. This way, you can see me (and Kellie) on neutral territories, and if for some reason you feel uncomfortable, you have an "out" and you're not stuck with me/us.
I love you, mom. I love you very much.
-- Carly
Please realize that this letter is what woke me up at 3 in the morning, so I had to get it out into the open. Maybe I'll send it as it is, or try to refine it somehow...
