In response

[hiddenmuse]

This would be my response to my mom's e-mail, and those (probably unintentionally) hurtful comments she'd made. I haven't sent it out yet - it was just something I'd written in the middle of the night.

It hurt to read that, to realize that someone that I love dearly is basically an "It" because of her relationship with/to me. She is a part of *my* family, just as my sister-in-law is a part of the family, and my sister's boyfriend is a part of the family.

I'm not going to apologize for the fact that she's not the significant other my family would hope that I'd have in my life, that you're not going to have grandchildren (or nieces and nephews) by me. You may not agree with the choices I make, or how I live my life, but they're *my* choices and *my* life, and I'm finally owning up to - and accepting - that. Please try to be happy for the fact that I am happy, stable, and relatively healthy.

I'm not asking you to run off and join P-FLAG or anything like that right away. Take your time with this - I'm probably not the daughter you'd hoped that I would be, so you're probably feeling frustrated, confused, maybe even pissed off. And rightfully so, I'd say.

My hope is that you can realize that I *am* the same person that I was before I came out. I'm still the same loving, caring, intelligent person. I still have good manners and I play well with others. I'd never flaunt my sexuality in front of you, out of respect and decency. I still believe in God - even if I don't currently go to church, so I'm not the Godless heathen that you'd told me that gay people are, years ago.

This is not your fault. It's not dad's fault. It's not Perry's fault. I was not "converted" or "recruited" by anyone in any way, shape or form. This is something that I'd dealt with long before I even knew that I was gay. I'd spent so long questioning and doubting myself on it. I tried so hard to be "normal" and be what I was expected to be - and none of it worked.

I know that your hopes were to have a fine, upstanding, heterosexual child that you could be proud of; instead you have a fine, upstanding homosexual child that you may or may not be proud of.

Please know that while it hurt to hear that Kellie is not welcome in the house, we will respect your wishes and not stay in your house this year. As I'd said, we'd love to have you join us for shopping, visiting museums and going to dinner. This way, you can see me (and Kellie) on neutral territories, and if for some reason you feel uncomfortable, you have an "out" and you're not stuck with me/us.

I love you, mom. I love you very much.

-- Carly


Please realize that this letter is what woke me up at 3 in the morning, so I had to get it out into the open. Maybe I'll send it as it is, or try to refine it somehow...

Comments

[gardengnomegeek.livejournal.com]

Beautiful. Truly beautiful.

I hope you send it.

If it doesn't make your Mom realize how truly blessed she is to have you as a daughter, it might just be a lost cause.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweetie!

I'm thinking that I will send it sometime soon - I just want to have that 6-12 hour wait before I send something that emotionally involved!

[jenxteen.livejournal.com]

I think this is more than generous and very kind of you. It sounds great.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[mom-o-cass.livejournal.com]

i think it is perfect as is. you're a great woman and a loving and kind daughter to have written this and i really admire and love you lady. i hope that you send it and i hope it helps things get better with you Mom.

xo

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Ms Jenne - I really appreciate your support!

[rosiedoes.livejournal.com]

I think you're pretty amazing for being so patient about it.

I would have excommunicated myself from my family at the drop of a hat for this.

But one thing I don't agree with, is your saying she has a right to be pissed off that you chose to live your life in the way, and with the person, who makes you happy.

She has no right to be pissed off about that at all.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :-)

I'm thinking that I will leave that line out - like I'd said, that letter was written at 3 a.m., so it was more of a mental exorcism or something!

[nikitaquincy.livejournal.com]

Bravo. It's a beautiful letter, I really hope you send it.

It's just so sad and unfortunate that your mom is being such an ignorant twat towards Kellie. :(

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

I agree - I think a lot of it is shock, that what she'd suspected is true.

[starr234.livejournal.com]

I think it's a very well written letter and I don't see anything in it that needs refining, but I don't know anything about your mom or your relationship with her beyond what I read here. But I think the emotion in it is very palpable without seeming melodramatic, which will hopefully make her see how you feel without getting defensive, so my (uninformed) instinct would be to try and stay away from backing away from anything you said.

I'm sorry you had to write it at all, though.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Right now, I think it's just trying to avoid a huge blow-up where we both end up being evil and snarky towards each other.

I don't think that I would be backing away - I've come this far with asserting myself, I don't want to end up welching out on this!

[annie-bean.livejournal.com]

That is a very well written letter. I think you should send it just like that. Honestly. :-)
<3

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

[megyal]

Oh, Carly.

Just know that over here in Cyberville, we're with you all the way.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

*hugs*

[becky11.livejournal.com]

I agree with everyone else - send it as it is. She needs to know your true feelings on the subject, not your 'refined' feelings. It looks fine just the way it is.

Good luck with your trip. I'll definitely be thinking of you.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I made a few minor changes (mainly to grammar and some clarification on other things) - and sent it off earlier this afternoon.

I don't know if she's gotten it - I don't know her work hours! So now, I'm a bit edgy when the phone rings.

[verselus.livejournal.com]

I think this is just beautifully written and worded. Send it.

Love you honey! Very proud of you too! :)

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! :)

The letter has been sent - now, it's just a wait-and-see sort of deal.

[honeybearbee.livejournal.com]

*BIG HUGS* Do you think a Patrick picspam will help you feel better?

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

That would be most excellent! :) *big hugs*

Photos of the boy that stole my gay could really make up for this epic fail of a week.

[honeybearbee.livejournal.com]

Awesome! I'll be able to it later. I have to get some homework done first. 'Cause for some reason school doesn't reconginze Patrick Stump as a valid excuse for not doing it. *shrugs* School is weird.

[hamymcboobyflsh.livejournal.com]

wow. that made ME cry! and i'm not a crazy bitch like your mom! ;)

i'm glad to see that you sent it. hopefully it garners a response you're happy with - or at least that you can live with.

*hugs*

[liandriel.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I think you're handling this with incredible maturity and aplomb, and amazing love and forgiveness.

[kelpierocks.livejournal.com]

Hugs and support, and sending good wishes that the email will garner a positive response.