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May. 28th, 2004 01:55 pmDear Specialty's Cafe & Bakery -
Why, oh why, do your coffee cakes have to taste so damned good? They must be of the Devil Himself or something, because the last I checked, nothing was allowed to taste as good as your coffee cake does.
And of course, your website doesn't have the nutrition information. Jackasses.
Ambivalent on the love,
Me
Dear Random Clients/Banks/Producers -
Hi. You should probably know by now that if you want to have insurance on a new (to you) home, you have to give us at least a month's notice. With that in mind, my co-workers and I are plotting to charge Annoyance and Work Hazard Fees for anyone that has the temerety and/or chutzpah to come around and try to get us to bind coverage on something within 3 days of initial notification.
These Annoyance and Work Hazard Fees will be charged on a sliding scale basis, and will cover expenses such as: Advil, heartburn medicine (Tums, Pepcid, Pepto-Bismol), copious amounts of alcohol, urns of coffee from Starbucks and enough money to help this girl afford to "shake it like a Polaroid picture" at The End Up on some random Friday night.
In the future, your cooperation will be appreciated. Otherwise, you can look forward to additional fees on your policies.
Kiss my ass,
Me
Why, oh why, do your coffee cakes have to taste so damned good? They must be of the Devil Himself or something, because the last I checked, nothing was allowed to taste as good as your coffee cake does.
And of course, your website doesn't have the nutrition information. Jackasses.
Ambivalent on the love,
Me
Dear Random Clients/Banks/Producers -
Hi. You should probably know by now that if you want to have insurance on a new (to you) home, you have to give us at least a month's notice. With that in mind, my co-workers and I are plotting to charge Annoyance and Work Hazard Fees for anyone that has the temerety and/or chutzpah to come around and try to get us to bind coverage on something within 3 days of initial notification.
These Annoyance and Work Hazard Fees will be charged on a sliding scale basis, and will cover expenses such as: Advil, heartburn medicine (Tums, Pepcid, Pepto-Bismol), copious amounts of alcohol, urns of coffee from Starbucks and enough money to help this girl afford to "shake it like a Polaroid picture" at The End Up on some random Friday night.
In the future, your cooperation will be appreciated. Otherwise, you can look forward to additional fees on your policies.
Kiss my ass,
Me
