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I don't know what my problem is lately. I've just been feeling so funky & despondent - perhaps it's work and those frustrations taking themselves out on me - whatever it is, I don't like it.

I don't like being lifted out of this funk long enough to enjoy something until it's over, only to go crashing back into reality immediately afterwards.

Don't get me wrong, I am still on my antidepressants ... just dealing with the fact that stress and other assorted life-related bullshit can still force its way through the Lexapro-created barrier.


A bit of a weekend recap:

Thursday: After the concert, I went to the Non Prophets Halloween party long enough to make an appearance, have Tyson offer to buy me a drink (I declined, but in retrospect, should've taken him up on it), and go home alone.

Friday, I slept in until about 9 a.m., then went out to do some running - in my devil's horns, of course. I had a great time doing that, and got many compliments on the horns - as well as people telling me how cute and/or adorable I looked.
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Saturday was gross, rainy and laid-back. I don't really remember much of what I did ... except for taking a nap, dropping off a roll of film from the BNL show to be developed, watching Saturday Night Live and the late night dating shows again.

One big highlight was getting "King of Bedside Manor" love from the show last night! Thank you! :^D


Today was more of the same. Since the weather was actually decent, I ventured outside for a little while. I went to see Scary Movie 3, which was quite funny in that "shut your mind off for a while" way. Although, if you want scary, that would be Pamela Anderson's breasts. They're beyond fake to the point that they looked like oddly realistic prosthetic breasts. I'll be having nightmares about them for a while, I'm sure.

I did get my pictures back from the show ... blurry as all fuck. :( I still have to use up the 2nd roll of film (which has the picture of Steve and I), so I have a feeling that these pictures will also be blurry ... up to the picture of me with Steve, smiling like a total psychopath (me, not Steve). Ah well ... there's always other shows.


And that's my weekend. Now, I'm just having it out with that funkiness/despondency that seems to precede the new work week. Hopefully you've all had a great Halloween/Samhain with lots of treats and no tricks!

Have a great week, my lovelies. *hugs & smooches*

Song Interpretations ... and Other Stuff

I've said that the song interpretations simultaneously interest and rankle me - and it's true. It's always interesting to see how people can take a song and psychoanalyze it to death, leaving shards for everyone else to debate over.

Personally, I don't go for the "putting my favorite songs on the couch" approach to interpretation. Actually, to be honest, I tend towards the "lyrics? who needs lyrics?" approach.

But, with the BNL song "War On Drugs", it's one of those songs that I can't just listen to and not comment on. Probably because, when you look at the lyrics and theme as being about depression and suicide, well, it's something I know about entirely too well.

At the show on Thursday, when they did this song, I felt like I had to keep from totally losing it. But, I did acknowledge to my sister that the song is a sad song - I just didn't say why. I couldn't tell her that when I was her age, I was so depressed and miserable, that I'd spend the next couple of years contemplating how to put an end to the depression and misery.

Perhaps the guilt and shame that would've driven me to consider ending it all was the same guilt and shame that kept me from doing so ... I just know that there's no way that I will ever be 100% happy, all the time - and I certainly don't expect to be that way.

Yeah, it would be dull if we rid ourselves of the demons* haunting us ... they're what gives us balance in our lives, oddly enough. It's just a matter of striking a balance between being happy, and dealing with those demons.


* Personally, I find it quite interesting that the song mentions the "demons haunting us" - but that could just be due to the fact that I'm reading The Noonday Demon, a book about depression.