Maybe It's A Sign ...

I feel like I risk becoming a full-on drama diva, being the bearer of bad news again.

Today, we had to put Libby, our 6 month-old black Labrador puppy to sleep. She had become violently ill early this week, and by the week's end she was terribly emaciated, spiking fevers of 106 degrees (102 is normal) and when let outside, had to be carried back in. The veterenarian thinks it was Parvo Virus - because the onset was so sudden and the symptoms were there, even though she'd tested negative for it previously.

I was there when it happened (when she was put to sleep), and it just kills me that she had to suffer so much. With Sid, it was sudden - no real pain or suffering. Libby had a week of various ailments linked to Parvo Virus (I won't go into detail - it ain't pretty), and if she could've been saved, would probably live the rest of her days with brain damage.

The sight of me in a tiara, bawling my eyes out, must've been a doozy to the Humane Society employees. Even wearing my non-pharmaceutical antidepressant didn't help much. (Yes, I shared with the family - when we got to the exam room, I promptly put the tiara on Taylor's head. And handed her a Kleenex.) It's just hard to deal with a loss like that. And as bad as it may sound, I'm glad that I was there with Libby in those last minutes. She was there for me after I'd lost Sid, so it was only right that I be there for her. :)

It may be a few months before the family gets another dog, as Parvo apparently can lie dormant for up to 6 months, and the last thing we'd need is to get a dog, then lose it the same way. In the meantime, they've been advised to wash the house down with bleach and not adopt another puppy for 6 months - to be on the very safe side.

As Good As It Gets

You know that comment I made about becoming a full-on Drama Diva? Well I've realized that it's not gonna happen. There's not much I can do about my family experiencing a recent spate of animal deaths - that goes with everyday existence. It's just almost a fluke that we've had 2 in less than 2 weeks.

If I were a Drama Diva, I'd be hijacking others' lj posts and threads on message boards in an attempt at drawing attention to me, like "fuck him/her and their problems! Pay attention to ME!!!" That, my friends and lovelies, is not my style. (Well, I'd hope that it isn't!)

On one of the message boards I go to, someone posted about losing their family's dog this week. In response, I posted something offering my condolences. No mention of what my family's just experienced - because it's not my thread to post about that sort of thing. Besides, that would just be highly rude.

If I have personal angst to work out, I do it here. I don't feel a need to be in everyone's faces with my issues - besides, that would be boring as hell to read. Nothing but the stürm-und-drang in my life ... no thanks. You know, I could go to the opposite extreme and only post about the good things in my life, conveniently forgetting the less-than-stellar, completely snowing everyone that reads this. But even that would get really boring, really quickly.

Instead, you get me as I am. Good days and bad. The highs and lows that anyone else would experience. So you read about me feeling antisocial one day - and feeling giddy a few days later. Being silly and calling crushes "future ex-husbands". Geeking out at Home Depot. Speaking my mind as though I know what the hell I'm talking about half the time. Dealing with the occasional demons of emotion that pop up and threaten to fuck with my head.


Before I got inspired to go off on that tangent, I thought of something earlier - relating to euthanizing pets. The other day, I'd e-mailed my brother and told him about Sid's dying of a heart attack. He sent his sympathies, and said that after having been present when Duke (our grandfather's dog) was put to sleep almost 15 years ago, his relationship with pets has been a bit awkward.

I mentioned that to my mom today, and she said, "yeah, Dan never has gotten close to any of our pets." Perhaps it's his way of girding himself against the idea of becoming close to an animal, only to have it pass away at some point.

I'm the opposite. I have no problem getting close to the pets, and when they pass away, I grieve considerably. When it comes to other people, I'm so afraid to become close to them. Afraid that the relationship could end at anytime, and that I'd lose someone I love. Afraid of getting my heart broken or something.

Yet, I do that all the time with animals. Why is it so different with humans?