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Aug. 19th, 2002
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Aug. 19th, 2002 07:21 pmGood news - while I do have a pinched nerve in my arm (booo), it's not carpal tunnel, like I'd thought (yay). Apparently my going out & swimming was good at getting the muscle spasm to relax, but won't do much for my clavicle being out of line. (Yes, I got my ass back to the chiropractor after several months)
Work offered up the usual parade of Grumpuses (okay, "Grumpus" isn't really a word, but it works) and producers wanting everything yesterday. You know, same old, same old.
I'm thinking of joining OA, if I can find an OA group in St. Louis. Actually, that's something I'd thought of doing years ago - either when I was in high school or college. Sure, I *can* eat healthy, that's not much of a problem. My problem is sometimes not knowing when to stop. I remember having times in the past where I'd binge, then get on the phone with a friend and cry my eyes out over the fact that I had overeaten, that I was really fucked up, that I had a problem. {If you must know, I did try the "purge" aspect of "binge-purge", but failed miserably. And I liked food too much to become anorexic.}
I'll see what I come up with. There's probably something around here. :)
Work offered up the usual parade of Grumpuses (okay, "Grumpus" isn't really a word, but it works) and producers wanting everything yesterday. You know, same old, same old.
I'm thinking of joining OA, if I can find an OA group in St. Louis. Actually, that's something I'd thought of doing years ago - either when I was in high school or college. Sure, I *can* eat healthy, that's not much of a problem. My problem is sometimes not knowing when to stop. I remember having times in the past where I'd binge, then get on the phone with a friend and cry my eyes out over the fact that I had overeaten, that I was really fucked up, that I had a problem. {If you must know, I did try the "purge" aspect of "binge-purge", but failed miserably. And I liked food too much to become anorexic.}
I'll see what I come up with. There's probably something around here. :)
Poetry Corner in a Round Room
Aug. 19th, 2002 07:49 pmYou were presented to me as a necessity.
You offered many things.
How was I to know that you'd become an enemy to me?
Those days that I didn't have anyone, you were there for me.
You offered a sense of consolation.
You kept me placated for the time.
Kept my mind off the multitude of worries that surrounded me.
How was I to know that you'd betray me?
You were a mere substitute for what I really needed.
But, what did I need?
What was the intangible, inconsolable,
incomprehensible thing that I was insatiable for?
What you had to offer later ended up leading to misery and disillusionment.
A substitute for someone to listen to my worries.
You never really loved me, did you?
Now, I struggle to rid myself of you.
Yet, I cannot.
I need you everyday to exist.
You are a true necessity and an addiction in the same breath.
The times I've come so close to traipsing off with Ana,
only to have you call me back with your Siren song.
You know my weaknesses, and you take advantage of it when you can.
What do you do when your enemy is food?
{Written 11 January 2001}
"Goth Sex" = Anti-Climactic
Aug. 19th, 2002 10:31 pmIt was an eMpTyV special re-broadcast on VH1 - what do you expect? I sat there watching it, thinking, "ooooh... goths and fetish sex. how exciting." *sarcasm*
Honestly, it almost cracked me up. It almost made it seem like most goths are into kinky sex - piercings, s/m, mummification ... the more the better. Yeah, some goths may be into that scene, but I have a feeling that you'd find your fair share of straightlaced types in that scene, too.
Of course, count on eMpTyV to act like it's some huge scandalous deal ... "ooooh, look Middle America - look at the scary goth chick and her boyfriend. He's got fangs - how scary!" Whatever. It was an excuse for them to play Nine Inch Nails songs (all two that everyone's familiar with, of course) and Depeche Mode's "Master and Servant".
Maybe I'm looking at it through jaded eyes - or it's a sense of indifference. Do what makes you happy. If it's wrapping your lover in colored plastic wrap, or collaring them - making them your slave ... or if it's just something as "mundane" as making love in the living room. It's your sexlife. Enjoy it. Don't let eMpTyV fool you with their pretending to be "on the edge" and "revolutionary".
For all three of you that are old enough to remember it (myself included) ... remember that there was a time that Duran Duran's "Girls On Film" was too erotic for eMpTyV. Now, it would be too vanilla by their standards. Of course, being a huge perv from the word "go", there was some kind of thrill from seeing the "uncut" version of the video. It was like incredibly softcore porn - girls making out, the insinuations of sex ... great stuff there. *evil smirk*
Oh, what I would give to see that video again ... even if it's terribly dated, and over 20 years old now.
Honestly, it almost cracked me up. It almost made it seem like most goths are into kinky sex - piercings, s/m, mummification ... the more the better. Yeah, some goths may be into that scene, but I have a feeling that you'd find your fair share of straightlaced types in that scene, too.
Of course, count on eMpTyV to act like it's some huge scandalous deal ... "ooooh, look Middle America - look at the scary goth chick and her boyfriend. He's got fangs - how scary!" Whatever. It was an excuse for them to play Nine Inch Nails songs (all two that everyone's familiar with, of course) and Depeche Mode's "Master and Servant".
Maybe I'm looking at it through jaded eyes - or it's a sense of indifference. Do what makes you happy. If it's wrapping your lover in colored plastic wrap, or collaring them - making them your slave ... or if it's just something as "mundane" as making love in the living room. It's your sexlife. Enjoy it. Don't let eMpTyV fool you with their pretending to be "on the edge" and "revolutionary".
For all three of you that are old enough to remember it (myself included) ... remember that there was a time that Duran Duran's "Girls On Film" was too erotic for eMpTyV. Now, it would be too vanilla by their standards. Of course, being a huge perv from the word "go", there was some kind of thrill from seeing the "uncut" version of the video. It was like incredibly softcore porn - girls making out, the insinuations of sex ... great stuff there. *evil smirk*
Oh, what I would give to see that video again ... even if it's terribly dated, and over 20 years old now.