hiddenmuse | Getting Serious ...

The other night, it occurred to me that a big "anniversary" of sorts had passed by - and I was oblivious to it this year. No, I don't mean Kellie's and mine.

This anniversary isn't such a happy one. But, I've managed to turn that around and look at it as such.

In November, ten years ago (I don't remember the exact date), I met Dennis - probably one of the worst boyfriends I've had. Ever. It takes a lot for me to say that a boyfriend was bad, because it seems like with every boyfriend I'd had, there was something good that came from the relationship - or the guy had some redeeming quality. Well, in this case, the only redeeming quality was sex - and that can only go so far.

Yes, it was ten years ago that I'd met my assholian ex-boyfriend, the guy that wound up being emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. Unfortunately, I stuck around because my self-esteem was shot to shit, so the fact that a guy, any guy, was paying me mind (even if it was on his terms ... which included quite a bit of philandering) was a big deal to me at that time.

When the relationship ended - his girlfriend called my parents and told them that the relationship was over (Huge pussy move on his part, eh?) - I was, of course, devistated. After a while, though, I came out of that lust-induced fog, and realized that it was a very good thing that the relationship ended. Especially considering that it took the end of the relationship for me to really be aware of the fact that I was even being abused in the first place. Seriously fucked up, I know....

But, I look back and the only regret I have is not being more alert to the signs of the abuse. Otherwise, I've made peace with that time in my life, where I was, who I was, and so on.

As for the guy, well, I stopped wasting my hate on him a long time ago when I realized that Karma packed a major motherfucker of a payback. Far better than anything I could *ever* come up with.