If it's good for me, why do I feel this way?

Why do I always feel so guilty about taking time off work? Have I brainwashed myself so badly that I feel like I *need to* be working at all times?

When someone gets an e-mail from the bookkeeper/human resources/whomever keeps track of vacation time at your office, telling you that you have X number of vacation days to "use or lose" - as I do - I scurried to find days on the calendar that weren't already taken by other department members. Hence, an office calendar full of my non-sequitur days off.

Some days, I actually have things planned, don't get me wrong. Lame, grown-up things, like going to the doctor or the dentist. Tomorrow is an exception - while I do have a doctor's appointment (boo!), I have a lot of pampering going on in between (yay!). Now, if I can just get my damn brain to shut the hell up for once - and let go, and not feel so guilty.

---

Speaking of doctors, I had my appointment with the ear nose & throat (ENT) doctor about the TMD/TMJ problems from Hell, and got some good information: essentially, I'm not alone - TMD occurs in younger women, 8 times more than it does in men. With orthodontics, there is the risk that it wouldn't do any good - and could just leave someone out several thousand dollars. If a doctor suggests surgery, or any invasive procedure - run.

Instead, my treatment route is more conservative. Yes, I'm on medication (Flexaril* ... a muscle relaxant that apparently knocks people *out*) for a short-term basis. I've also got the requisite soft foods diet (no, it doesn't involve baby food, or all mashed potatoes, all the time) - it just means no Doritos, raw carrots, nuts, etc. for the next 8 weeks. And if I eat anything that isn't "soft", it has to be cut up really well ... almost like someone would do for a young kid. :-/ And did I mention physical therapy? Yeah, apparently there is a such thing as physical therapy for TMD. Who woulda thunk it?

*On the Flexaril, riddle me this, Batman ... my health insurance will cover my 10 mg. dosage, but not a 5 mg. dosage of the same drug. Perhaps they assume that the patients can just cut the pills in half? Whatever. Health Insurance isn't my bag - and makes no sense to me.)

Laundry Day!

{Transcribed from an entry written earlier in the night - in a notebook}

I'm at one of the neighborhood laundromats - one that's about two-ish blocks from home, and fairly busy for a Monday night, so I don't feel uncomfortable being here. Kellie says that laundromats are depressing places, and I disagree. To me, it's a good place to go - to get those seventeen loads of laundry (major exaggeration, I promise) done at one time, and think ... or read the cheesy tabloids left behind by fellow launderers.

When I lived in St. Louis, and had to go to the laundromat in a neighborhood that was considered sketchy (it didn't bother me) - one that I lived in, no less! - I would bring a psychiatry book with me, because it seemed like no one would fuck with *anyone* reading a book with "Psychiatry" in the title. Probably thought I had several screws loose or something.

Besides, the sounds of the washers and dryers can be almost relaxing. And did I mention that as a kid, I used to love the scent of those Bounce dryer sheets - while they were being used in the dryer? Yeah ... I'd play outside, near the dryer vent, just to smell the Bounce. It was like we were huffing Bounce or something ... crazy kids.

Clothes fresh out of the dryer, all nice and warm? Love! I swear to God, and Everyone Else, I don't have a laundry fetish or anything. Really, I don't. But, who doesn't love the feel of their clothes just out of the dryer?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some clothes to retrieve from the dryer. :)


p.s. from home: The bitch about the laundromat is coming home. Carrying an insane amount of laundry (probably 25 - 30 lbs, easily) strapped across my back, walking uphill, feeling like the White Girl version of a Diego Rivera painting or something.