hiddenmuse | Jul. 13th, 2004

This morning is dragging on - it's not even 11 a.m., but feels like it should be later in the day! :-/

My mood, thanks to PMS, has been crappy as all get-out. I feel like I've been all over the place - happy, sad, ready to fly off the handle, whatever else. Last night, I was almost ready to cry ... over absolutely NOTHING. Just because I'd misconstrued one little thing, I almost totally lost it.

It's been over 3 weeks on the increased dosage on the medication. Some days, I do well - I'm functioning. I get out of bed, and manage to co-exist with the rest of the world. Then, PMS comes around and knocks me onto my ass so hard - physically and emotionally - and I'm left feeling so overwhelmed and confounded, not sure of whether I'm coming or going half the time. I feel as though I'd rather be in bed, sleeping - not having to deal with work. My attention span goes to the birds, and everything that makes the depression especially bad, only feels worse for these several days.

I know what this may mean, and I don't like it. It may mean additional drugs. I might have to go back onto Zoloft, just to be able to function and keep my head above water for about 10 days of the month. I hate that it takes drugs for me to acheive something that comes within lying distance of normalcy. I hate it with everything in me - yet, I know that the alternative is much worse, and much, much uglier. And I'd rather live with the drugs to keep me somewhat normal and civil, than not have them at all.