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I'd written about Friday being a really crummy day ... well, today REALLY took the cake.
I skipped church because I felt so shitty and miserable, my moods vacillating wildly and leaving me feeling completely lost in the shuffle.
You think PMS is bad? Try dealing with feeling happy (almost euphoric, considering how I'd been lately), then experiencing these intense waves of almost-insatiable horniness (gotta love that biological clock/seven years before horniness comes around mode I'm in courtesy of Effexor...), followed up by lying in bed crying until I couldn't anymore - over practically nothing.
I tried to take a nap, but failed miserably at it. So, I tried to keep myself occupied somehow. Going online, I felt like an automaton - there was no joy in it at all. Just that stultifying, mind-numbing feeling of being run into the ground by utter despondency. Since I know that I'd risk turning self-destructive - the caffeine binge on Saturday night was indicative of that, I cut my fingernails, so I couldn't get into scratching the hell out of myself. (My form of cutting)
When I got into the shower to shave my legs, I was so shaky and almost dizzy that I did the half-assed route and got as far as my knees before stopping. Then, I went to lie down, and finally took a nap - one of those "pass out until you come to" sort of naps, during which I'd had a wierd work dream involving a former co-worker telling me that she'd gotten a call from a client at 3:30 in the morning when he'd realized that his insurance was cancelled. To add to the wierdness, in the dream, this co-worker had three young children (a three year old and twin babies - boy and girl) - which was extremely odd in that she'd had a hysterectomy at least 10 years ago.
Anyways, when I finally woke up, I was still shaky and a bit woozy. So, I managed to get dressed and drag myself to the grocery store to get some ginger ale for my upset stomach and some sherbet for the hell of it.
After eating some Udon noodles and having some ginger ale, I started to feel better physically. No more upset stomach, no more shakiness. Emotionally, however, I still feel like shit. Even after indulging in my usual pick-me-up of watching a videotape of some BNL specials from Much Music and VH1 ... the black cloud still hangs overhead. (Yes, my lovelies, even the sight of Steven Page in black didn't have me running for the Hitachi as it usually does.)
I skipped church because I felt so shitty and miserable, my moods vacillating wildly and leaving me feeling completely lost in the shuffle.
You think PMS is bad? Try dealing with feeling happy (almost euphoric, considering how I'd been lately), then experiencing these intense waves of almost-insatiable horniness (gotta love that biological clock/seven years before horniness comes around mode I'm in courtesy of Effexor...), followed up by lying in bed crying until I couldn't anymore - over practically nothing.
I tried to take a nap, but failed miserably at it. So, I tried to keep myself occupied somehow. Going online, I felt like an automaton - there was no joy in it at all. Just that stultifying, mind-numbing feeling of being run into the ground by utter despondency. Since I know that I'd risk turning self-destructive - the caffeine binge on Saturday night was indicative of that, I cut my fingernails, so I couldn't get into scratching the hell out of myself. (My form of cutting)
When I got into the shower to shave my legs, I was so shaky and almost dizzy that I did the half-assed route and got as far as my knees before stopping. Then, I went to lie down, and finally took a nap - one of those "pass out until you come to" sort of naps, during which I'd had a wierd work dream involving a former co-worker telling me that she'd gotten a call from a client at 3:30 in the morning when he'd realized that his insurance was cancelled. To add to the wierdness, in the dream, this co-worker had three young children (a three year old and twin babies - boy and girl) - which was extremely odd in that she'd had a hysterectomy at least 10 years ago.
Anyways, when I finally woke up, I was still shaky and a bit woozy. So, I managed to get dressed and drag myself to the grocery store to get some ginger ale for my upset stomach and some sherbet for the hell of it.
After eating some Udon noodles and having some ginger ale, I started to feel better physically. No more upset stomach, no more shakiness. Emotionally, however, I still feel like shit. Even after indulging in my usual pick-me-up of watching a videotape of some BNL specials from Much Music and VH1 ... the black cloud still hangs overhead. (Yes, my lovelies, even the sight of Steven Page in black didn't have me running for the Hitachi as it usually does.)
