Confidence - a work in progress
Nov. 28th, 2003 01:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
hiddenmuseWhen I was visiting my parents for Thanksgiving, my mom showed me a few pictures that Taylor had found. My senior pictures, and some other pictures that were at least 10 years old. I looked at the pictures, and all I could think of was the fact that I was so self-conscious and so uncomfortable in my skin in those days. I tried so hard to be someone other than myself, because I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself as I was - and I probably had no reason to be that way, either.
Yet, the funny thing is, the braces are off, I'm probably 50 pounds more than I was back in those days ... and I'm okay in my skin for once. It probably doesn't hurt that I'm not trying to be anyone besides myself, that I don't feel encumbered by the pressures of high school and that neverending popularity contest.
To consider: On Wednesday night, I was puttering around the kitchen in my family's house, making my dessert for Thanksgiving. I was in jeans, a t-shirt that says "I'm Grumpy" and shows Grumpy from the Seven Dwarfs, and my favorite apron from IKEA. I could've gone out to Walgreens for whatever reason in that exact outfit that night and thought nothing of it. Almost 15 years ago - oh hell no. I'd rather die of embarrassment than be seen in anything remotely mis-matched like that.
But I'm not so confident that I'm cocky about it. Far from it. I still have days that I feel self-conscious about my looks for whatever silly reason(s), but I think that happens to everyone. I still blush something awful when someone tells me that I'm pretty. So, I may have a sense of confidence, but I still have a sense of modesty - and they can't take that away from me.
Yet, the funny thing is, the braces are off, I'm probably 50 pounds more than I was back in those days ... and I'm okay in my skin for once. It probably doesn't hurt that I'm not trying to be anyone besides myself, that I don't feel encumbered by the pressures of high school and that neverending popularity contest.
To consider: On Wednesday night, I was puttering around the kitchen in my family's house, making my dessert for Thanksgiving. I was in jeans, a t-shirt that says "I'm Grumpy" and shows Grumpy from the Seven Dwarfs, and my favorite apron from IKEA. I could've gone out to Walgreens for whatever reason in that exact outfit that night and thought nothing of it. Almost 15 years ago - oh hell no. I'd rather die of embarrassment than be seen in anything remotely mis-matched like that.
But I'm not so confident that I'm cocky about it. Far from it. I still have days that I feel self-conscious about my looks for whatever silly reason(s), but I think that happens to everyone. I still blush something awful when someone tells me that I'm pretty. So, I may have a sense of confidence, but I still have a sense of modesty - and they can't take that away from me.
