I wake up scared

Last night was not a good night for me. It was all about nightmares.

Then again, hearing on the BBC about the Swedish politician that was stabbed (and later died) every time I woke up didn't help the nightmares much. I couldn't take my sleeping pills because I was afraid to mix them with the codeine in my cough syrup.

I had nightmares that my mom was calling me to tell me that my stepdad had passed away. Now, I'm sitting here at work, almost paralyzed with fear when I see the voicemail light blinking on my phone, afraid that the message on the phone could be my nightmare coming true.

Now, I just want to crawl under my desk and cry. Or just go home and go to bed, sleep until it's time to get ready for the Non Prophets show, then put on my game face until the show's over and risk completely losing it when the Guy asks how I'm doing.


Oh yeah, I'm feeling okay physically. My voice is less Harvey Fierstein, more Girl 6 ... but whatever I've got seems to want to take up residence in my sinuses, as my face is hurting. :( So, if anyone would be willing to jack-boot me in the head, I'd appreciate it.

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Well, I made it through the work day - thank G*d. No nightmares coming true, or anything like that. Okay, so I did have a couple of clients that acted like they were more on the rag than I am right now (and yesterday was the full moon!) :-X

In a little while, I'll be going home, pulling some stuff together to be packed up, *maybe* getting in a disco nap, going to see the Non Prophets, coming home (alone), going to bed - only to do it all again tomorrow. Yay me.

I'm so looking forward to seeing Kellie - because she's been a total rock of stability for me, especially when I haven't been the most stable of people. She's the one that manages to level me out, slaps me back to reality (so to speak) when I need it, reminds me that I'm loved, and has been through thick and thin with me recently. So, yeah, I love her. :^D

{Yes, Kellie, while I may go on like a silly schoolgirl about the Guy and his hugs - it's all about you, sweetie.}


*sigh* Another 3 1/2 hours until the Non Prophets show. I can hardly wait at this point. It's not just about the Guy, really. I look forward to the humor, and the way that the group works together. After having had some really screwy, sometimes fucked-up, no-good-whatsoever-weeks, it's so nice to have a reason to laugh my ass off. Tyson's just a nice addendum. ;) But, if you ask him, my crush is on another cast member, Blaise ... someone that always gets the girls. (Riiiiight.....)