My Mom

[hiddenmuse]

As you all may know, I was raised Mormon. My family (mom, brother and sister-in-law, and sister {kind of}) are active in the Church, and of course, the Mormon Church was a major force behind Prop 8 passing.

While my mom isn't particularly fond of my being a lesbian - and being married to a woman - she is doing as well as she can with the fact that I'm not the good heterosexual Mormon daughter she'd hoped for. Maybe my teenage sister being pregnant has helped that along - she realizes that while her family may not be the ideal Mormon family, at least she has us all together.


Anyways, yesterday, when she found out that Prop 8 had passed, she sent me this e-mail:

Hey Sweetie –

Just checking in. I saw that Prop 8 passed. Wanted to see how you & Kellie are doing. I haven’t seen much what this means to your marriage. Will it still be recognized?

My feeling is, if you are legally married, man & woman, woman & woman, man & man, you should still be able to stay married. The Govt. should not be able to step in and take that away.

I love you both. You know I don’t always agree with things you do and say, but I will always love you no matter what. I am here for both of you.

Love

Mom

That meant so much to me - that she has that concern about our marriage, as well as being upset over the state interference in anyone's marriage. Also, knowing that she loves and supports us - that really means so much. The last line, where my mom says that she doesn't always agree with what we do or say, that kind of rankles Kellie, she thinks that it's passive-aggressive. Honestly, I just look past it, like "whatever..." - that's such a small percentage of the whole message, it almost doesn't matter.


Since I didn't get back to her until later in the day, she called me in the evening, to see how Kellie and I were doing. In that "so cute and rather awesome" move, she asked me if we'd thought about moving to Massachusetts or Connecticut, where our marriage would be legal and recognized! And she also told me that no matter what happens in the courts, the most important thing is the love that Kellie and I have for each other.



The fact that my mom - a conservative Republican Mormon - could say and do this, is amazing. I never would've imagined that she would be this way when I'd finally came out to her last year.

So yay to my mom for making progress and being (relatively) cool about what's happening in my life!

Comments

[sarahslays.livejournal.com]

thats so awesome dude. Im so happy for you that your mom is coming around. Prop 8 was a bunch of bull shit. But Im right there with your mom, what does that mean for your marriage license now? is it just completley voided?

and on a side note, I have a friend who was raised super strict christian. And they lived in this community with other die hards. anyways long story short, literally every girl I saw come out of there got knocked up by the time they were 16, with some dead beat father. And they all got married the second they turned 18. And a few of them are heroin addicts and the list just goes on and on. Just goes to show that sometimes religion isnt the answer.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Right now, our marriage is still valid - apparently Prop 8 doesn't affect existing marriages, and as my mom said, "it'll be wrapped up in the courts for years", so we don't know what will happen from here!

And yeah, I saw a few people I grew up with in the church getting married in shotgun weddings because they either got pregnant - or got a girl pregnant. A couple of people probably got into alcohol or drugs, but it was mostly teen pregnancies.

[sarahslays.livejournal.com]

hmm, well at least you still get to be married! But at the rate all the Prop 8 protests and stuff are going, hopefully things will turn around! I just read about how a lot of memebers of the Mormon church have left the church because of the prop 8 outcome. A lot of people are pissed, and thats how it should be!!

[feelingcold.livejournal.com]

Another one caves to the super powerful force of love!

But seriously, I'm happy for you and your family.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I was very happy - and surprised - too.

[becky11.livejournal.com]

Awesomeness! I know this is a big deal for you - I remember the anxiety you had with your mom and your lifestyle, etc. so this is great.

Yay Mom!

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It really made me feel good.

[verselus.livejournal.com]

Hey there! I've been thinking about you guys with this whole Prop 8 thing. It's such BS that it's ridiculous.

I think your mom's line about not agreeing is a typical mom thing to say and it really don't mean anything negative. Every parent is like that about their child. I'm sure she feels that way about your sister too, so I wouldn't put too much thought behind it.

I'm glad things are getting better for you and your mom. All the best!

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

I agree with you, it is kind of a typical mom thing. Like, I love you - but we'll probably never see eye-to-eye on everything, and that's okay.

[jenxteen.livejournal.com]

I'm really happy to read that!

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[fragbert.livejournal.com]

Your mom's awesome for finally letting love become a family value.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

I agree - it made me feel so much more loved (if that makes sense), and so happy to see that she is embracing Kellie as her daughter-in-law.

[polardemonwolf.livejournal.com]

Ok, I'm gonna say this again,


Your mom ROCKS.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I think so, too! :-)

[nekoama.livejournal.com]

That's just fantastic of your mom. Though now I'm curious - are pre-existing marriages still recognized, or are they bumped down to the civil-union? I didn't pay close attention to Prop 8, just that it's bullshit it passed.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

I think so, too - she really has come a long way.

As for our marriage, to my knowledge it is still recognized. Kellie and I had gotten "partnerized" (became domestic partners) in 2007, so we have that as well.

[emdem0429.livejournal.com]

Wow. That literally brought tears to my eyes!!!

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Mine too! I was already an emo mess because of Prop 8 passing, but that just made me so much more teary-eyed - this time, in a good way.

[darkymoore.livejournal.com]

Yay! That's awesome of your mom to be so supportive. My mom is not quite there yet, but she's getting there!

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

I know - it totally took me by surprise, to say the least. I really wasn't expecting her to say anything, so when she'd written me that e-mail, I was blown away.

[mom-o-cass.livejournal.com]

your momma totally made me cry.
*love*to her and you and Kel!

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

I had the same reaction - for a few days after I'd gotten that e-mail, I still got teary over it. I know that she loves me, but that really showed me how much she does.

[suspiria.livejournal.com]

that is wonderful. i'm touched.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :)

[choirgrrl.livejournal.com]

I love hearing positive news like this. It made me feel warm and fuzzy. :)

Are you thinking of moving?

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

We've talked about it, in kind of a half-assed, half-joking manner - but we like the decent weather and our jobs too much to move at this point in time!

[hikarinotabi.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's great.

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

Thank you - I thought so, too.

[lust-inthe-dust.livejournal.com]

I haven't had intrawebz for a few days, but I have to say I thought about you in regard to Prop 8...I just found out today about the news...I have to listen to baby songs in the car or there is an uprising, so, no radio for me, and I don't much watch TV.

Thank you for sharing those thoughts from your Mom. It was truly touching to read that and the bit of back story. I think her comment about not always agreeing with you, to me, seemed like her not compromising on her ideals yet still showing you her support and Love. Just my take on it anyways.

:)

[hiddenmuse.livejournal.com]

You're welcome - and thank you!

She's definitely doing her best - and that's why I didn't let the comment bother me, because I know that if this happened a few years ago, it wouldn't have worked out like this.