hiddenmuse (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hiddenmuse) wrote2007-08-22 01:42 pm
hiddenmuse) wrote2007-08-22 01:42 pm
Running Late
"I'm late! I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!"
I tend to have my own sort of OCD - especially when it comes to punctuality. For the longest time, I had no idea where it came from, my preoccupation with being on time. This deranged idea that if I'm late for something, I would be penalized somehow.
Last night, it occurred to me. Well, at least, an incident or so that triggered it. When I was living in St. Louis, I was going to an internist near my office (i.e.; about 10 - 15 minutes by St. Louis's crappy transit system), and on a couple of instances I'd run late for my appointments. When that happened, I would be chastised by the doctor herself for running late ... while she made me wait about 20 minutes to be seen.
In my convoluted little mind, it registered as being made to feel like I was a bad person, that I should've known better than to be late for an appointment.
While I did change internists, because the doctor was a real bitch - and I hated that whole guilt trip thing, the punctuality thing stuck with me. Whether it is to my benefit or detriment, I'm still trying to figure that out. I just know that it seems to only lead to anxiety and fear of being penalized, if I'm even one minute late. And that's not a good thing.
I tend to have my own sort of OCD - especially when it comes to punctuality. For the longest time, I had no idea where it came from, my preoccupation with being on time. This deranged idea that if I'm late for something, I would be penalized somehow.
Last night, it occurred to me. Well, at least, an incident or so that triggered it. When I was living in St. Louis, I was going to an internist near my office (i.e.; about 10 - 15 minutes by St. Louis's crappy transit system), and on a couple of instances I'd run late for my appointments. When that happened, I would be chastised by the doctor herself for running late ... while she made me wait about 20 minutes to be seen.
In my convoluted little mind, it registered as being made to feel like I was a bad person, that I should've known better than to be late for an appointment.
While I did change internists, because the doctor was a real bitch - and I hated that whole guilt trip thing, the punctuality thing stuck with me. Whether it is to my benefit or detriment, I'm still trying to figure that out. I just know that it seems to only lead to anxiety and fear of being penalized, if I'm even one minute late. And that's not a good thing.
no subject
I hate getting up early, too. But, I still do it - at least during the week! And since I go into work with Kellie (my partner), we sometimes end up catching a later bus than what I'd want to take, which would get me really anxious - especially if I end up 10-15 minutes late. (I've never had any problems, so it's largely self-inflicted!)
no subject