hiddenmuse (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hiddenmuse) wrote2007-08-14 06:56 pm
hiddenmuse) wrote2007-08-14 06:56 pm
Idolator is Made of Awesome
Hot Boys of Music
Before we get into it, there are a few rules:
Rule No. 1 (The Newcomer Rule): Each artist must have released at least one full-length album prior to August 1st, 2007 in order to qualify.
Rule No. 2 (The Pseudo-Musician/Googlebait Rule): Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are disqualified for obvious reasons.
Okay, that's only two. Bring on the meat! (My personal favorites are in bold)
50. Kevin Federline
Hey, he turned out to be the responsible one. Who knew?
49. Sir Richard Branson
Admittedly this would make us feel a little Anna Nicole-ish, but still: private jet planes!
48. Constantine Maroulis
He blow-dries his chest hair, and he'll probably let you borrow his styling products.
47. Hinder (all)
They didn't buy all those bras attached to their mics themselves, after all. Wait, they did? Oh.
46. Fat Joe
His inscrutably feline face makes us suspect he is a tender (no pun intended) lover.
45. Bez
Twenty-odd years doing nothing but shaking a pair of maracas has probably given him a good sense of rhythm, if you follow our meaning.
44. Flea
Especially attractive when throwing up on the side of the stage.
43. Moby
People love rubbing a bald guy's head. Fact.
42. James Murphy
Putting him on this list should only stoke his sexy, sexy ire.
41. Jack White (only when angry)
Putting him this low on the list should only stoke his sexy, sexy ire.
40. D'Angelo
Now that he's so bloated that nobody wants him anymore he can finally be ours. Who could have guessed we'd one day be the "pretty one" in a relationship with D'Angelo?
39. Eddie Van Halen
Well, uh, he's probably away on business a lot, and there's a good chance his house has a kick-ass entertainment center.
38. Hell Rell
What's hotter than a man who isn't afraid to shell out money on dental work?
37. Dan Deacon
Girls Guys with glasses are always hot:
36. JC Chasez
Maybe then we'll finally get to hear Kate.
35. Joey Fatone
He would have been higher if we'd put this list together before The Singing Bee debuted.
34. Daft Punk (Bangalter only)
But only if he wears the helmet to bed.
33. Jarvis Cocker
Witty, good at cocktail parties, doesn't take up much room.
32. Bun B
Fellow blogger. Workaholic. Has similar issues about his weight.
31. Nuno Bettencourt
Leaving Satellite Party kicked him up a few notches.
30. That guy in Seattle who got beaten up for doing "Yellow" at karaoke
A brave soul. Shame about his shit taste.
29. Ludacris
Despite his randy rep, he's the kind of guy you don't have to worry about signing a woman's naughty bits on promotional tours. Trust us, we asked.
28. Andrew WK
If he can put up with Kathy Griffin, he has indefinite patience.
27. Peter and Bjorn (but not John)
But only if they whistle while they work. Ahem.
26. The guy from the Gym Class Heroes whose name nobody knows because Patrick Stump sings the hook on like all of their songs
We're not above doling out the pity rankings.
{Ed. Note: That would be Travis McCoy, a/k/a Travie}
25. Lee Ranaldo
Aging better than Kim Gordon.
24. Buckethead
But only if he doesn't wear the bucket to bed.
23. Lil Wayne
When we were growing up, our favorite movie was also Gremlins.
22. Elephant Man
Free hair dye for the rest of our lives.
21. Gerard Way
Free eyeliner for the rest of our lives.
20. The Simpsonized Billie Joe Armstrong
50% less acne than real life Billie Joe Armstrong.
19. Patrick Wolf
We would never have to be worried if our outfit was clashing.
18. Carlos D
Pros: Gets us into all the good parties. Cons: Possible you-know-what infection.
17. C.C. DeVille
Clearly, the front-runner to star in Rock Of Love 2: Love Among The Catskills.
16. Andy Summers
A guy who really knows what to do with both hands. Eh? Eh??
15. T.I.P. (Not T.I.)
Bad boys for life. (Even if T.I. does dress better.)
14. Toby Keith
We have deep-rooted daddy issues and a thing for world-class scumbags. So sue us.
13. Clay Aiken
Hello, Claymates! Please keep the "darn you!" quota in your ire-filled comment under two.
12. E-40
An endless supply of pet names for the rest of our lives.
11. The lead singer of Anal Cunt
He told us if we didn't include him he would write a song called "Idolator is Gay and has Cancer."
10. Mr. Oizo (Or his puppet equivalent)
Our concession to furry culture.
9. Rufus Wainwright
We could totally change him. Plus all those withering bon mots would make even horrible arguments kind of enjoyable.
8. Justin Timberlake (Obviously)
Points off for "Ayo Technology." Hey, everyone has their "Dancin' In The Street," you know?
7. Britt Daniel
Suspect he may possibly be too uptight to dance with us to Poison songs in his underwear, however.
6. Big Boi
Despite having a stripper pole in his house, he seems less likely than his partner to dump us for a neo-soul starlet at the drop of a head wrap.
5. "Weird Al" Yankovic
The accordion lessons alone would be to die for.
4. Rick Rubin
This guy is so into freaky sex acts it's not funny. You just know it.
3. Brad Paisley
Already covered today.
2. Patrick Stump
Maura threatened to cut Jess if he wasn't in the top two. Jess then took comfort in the fact that Maura has a boner for Patrick friggin' Stump.
1. The ghost of Michael Hutchence
He's long gone, but still: Duh.
They forgot these guys!: Steven Page (Barenaked Ladies); ?questlove (The Roots); Matt Nathanson; and Kirk Hammett (Metallica)
And this is what inspired their list - courtesy of Shoutmouth.com. The Hot Girls!
For more info on the ladies, go to the above link. :-) My personal favorites are in bold.
Rule #1 (The Madonna Rule): This list is based on recent hotness. It doesn't matter how hot an artist was back in the ‘80s. It's 2007. What have you done for us lately?
Rule #2 (The Hayden Panettiere Rule): To qualify for this list, an artist must be over 18 years of age. We only objectify of-age women here.
Rule #3 (The Newcomer Rule): Each artist must have released at least one full-length album prior to August 1st, 2007 in order to qualify.
Rule #4 (The Pseudo-Musician Rule): Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are disqualified for obvious reasons.
Rule #5 (The Ashlee Simpson Rule): A woman can move up a few spots based on talent and/or personality. However, they cannot be hurt by lack of talent. Just like in real life.
Rule #6 (The Anastacia Rule): A prolonged absence from the musical spotlight can bring an artist down several notches. This is, after all, a list of the hottest women in music, so it's only appropriate that they stay active in music.
Rule #7 (The Dixie Chicks Rule): For a group, the ranking will be determined by averaging the hotness of all members.
Those are the rules. It's beholding time...
50) Ashanti
49) Lacey Mosley (Flyleaf)
48) Miranda Lambert
47) Leslie Feist
46) Natasha Bedingfield
45) Kelly Clarkson
44) M.I.A.
43) Chantal Kreviazuk
42) Cat Power
41) Thalia
40) Sharin Foo (The Ravonettes)
39) Mariah Carey
38) Jewel
37) Dixie Chicks
36) Vanessa Hudgens
35) Joss Stone
34) Rihanna
33) Sheryl Crow
32) Danielle Peck
31) The Pipettes
30) Norah Jones
29) Avril Lavigne
28) Alicia Keys
27) Mandy Moore
26) Hilary Duff
25) Kylie Minogue
24) Liz Phair
23) Natalie Imbruglia
22) Paulina Rubio
21) Willa Ford
20) Shania Twain
19) Ashlee Simpson
18) The Corrs
17) Christina Scabia (Lacuna Coil)
16) Anastacia
15) Christina Millian
14) Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice)
13) Nelly Furtado
12) Jennifer Lopez
11) Ginger Reyes (Smashing Pumpkins)
10) Faith Hill
9) Katharine McPhee
8) Girls Aloud (esp. Sarah Harding)
7) Danity Kane
6) Christina Aguilera
5) Nicole Scherzinger
4) Beyonce
3) Carrie Underwood
2) Shakira
1) Jessica Simpson
I'm bummed that these ladies were excluded: Shirley Manson (Garbage); Chantal Claret (Morningwood); Victoria Asher (Cobra Starship); Nellie McKay and Neko Case (The New Pornographers)!
Before we get into it, there are a few rules:
Rule No. 1 (The Newcomer Rule): Each artist must have released at least one full-length album prior to August 1st, 2007 in order to qualify.
Rule No. 2 (The Pseudo-Musician/Googlebait Rule): Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are disqualified for obvious reasons.
Okay, that's only two. Bring on the meat! (My personal favorites are in bold)
50. Kevin Federline
Hey, he turned out to be the responsible one. Who knew?
49. Sir Richard Branson
Admittedly this would make us feel a little Anna Nicole-ish, but still: private jet planes!
48. Constantine Maroulis
He blow-dries his chest hair, and he'll probably let you borrow his styling products.
47. Hinder (all)
They didn't buy all those bras attached to their mics themselves, after all. Wait, they did? Oh.
46. Fat Joe
His inscrutably feline face makes us suspect he is a tender (no pun intended) lover.
45. Bez
Twenty-odd years doing nothing but shaking a pair of maracas has probably given him a good sense of rhythm, if you follow our meaning.
44. Flea
Especially attractive when throwing up on the side of the stage.
43. Moby
People love rubbing a bald guy's head. Fact.
42. James Murphy
Putting him on this list should only stoke his sexy, sexy ire.
41. Jack White (only when angry)
Putting him this low on the list should only stoke his sexy, sexy ire.
40. D'Angelo
Now that he's so bloated that nobody wants him anymore he can finally be ours. Who could have guessed we'd one day be the "pretty one" in a relationship with D'Angelo?
39. Eddie Van Halen
Well, uh, he's probably away on business a lot, and there's a good chance his house has a kick-ass entertainment center.
38. Hell Rell
What's hotter than a man who isn't afraid to shell out money on dental work?
37. Dan Deacon
36. JC Chasez
Maybe then we'll finally get to hear Kate.
35. Joey Fatone
He would have been higher if we'd put this list together before The Singing Bee debuted.
34. Daft Punk (Bangalter only)
But only if he wears the helmet to bed.
33. Jarvis Cocker
Witty, good at cocktail parties, doesn't take up much room.
32. Bun B
Fellow blogger. Workaholic. Has similar issues about his weight.
31. Nuno Bettencourt
Leaving Satellite Party kicked him up a few notches.
30. That guy in Seattle who got beaten up for doing "Yellow" at karaoke
A brave soul. Shame about his shit taste.
29. Ludacris
Despite his randy rep, he's the kind of guy you don't have to worry about signing a woman's naughty bits on promotional tours. Trust us, we asked.
28. Andrew WK
If he can put up with Kathy Griffin, he has indefinite patience.
27. Peter and Bjorn (but not John)
But only if they whistle while they work. Ahem.
26. The guy from the Gym Class Heroes whose name nobody knows because Patrick Stump sings the hook on like all of their songs
We're not above doling out the pity rankings.
{Ed. Note: That would be Travis McCoy, a/k/a Travie}
25. Lee Ranaldo
Aging better than Kim Gordon.
24. Buckethead
But only if he doesn't wear the bucket to bed.
23. Lil Wayne
When we were growing up, our favorite movie was also Gremlins.
22. Elephant Man
Free hair dye for the rest of our lives.
21. Gerard Way
Free eyeliner for the rest of our lives.
20. The Simpsonized Billie Joe Armstrong
50% less acne than real life Billie Joe Armstrong.
19. Patrick Wolf
We would never have to be worried if our outfit was clashing.
18. Carlos D
Pros: Gets us into all the good parties. Cons: Possible you-know-what infection.
17. C.C. DeVille
Clearly, the front-runner to star in Rock Of Love 2: Love Among The Catskills.
16. Andy Summers
A guy who really knows what to do with both hands. Eh? Eh??
15. T.I.P. (Not T.I.)
Bad boys for life. (Even if T.I. does dress better.)
14. Toby Keith
We have deep-rooted daddy issues and a thing for world-class scumbags. So sue us.
13. Clay Aiken
Hello, Claymates! Please keep the "darn you!" quota in your ire-filled comment under two.
12. E-40
An endless supply of pet names for the rest of our lives.
11. The lead singer of Anal Cunt
He told us if we didn't include him he would write a song called "Idolator is Gay and has Cancer."
10. Mr. Oizo (Or his puppet equivalent)
Our concession to furry culture.
9. Rufus Wainwright
We could totally change him. Plus all those withering bon mots would make even horrible arguments kind of enjoyable.
8. Justin Timberlake (Obviously)
Points off for "Ayo Technology." Hey, everyone has their "Dancin' In The Street," you know?
7. Britt Daniel
Suspect he may possibly be too uptight to dance with us to Poison songs in his underwear, however.
6. Big Boi
Despite having a stripper pole in his house, he seems less likely than his partner to dump us for a neo-soul starlet at the drop of a head wrap.
5. "Weird Al" Yankovic
The accordion lessons alone would be to die for.
4. Rick Rubin
This guy is so into freaky sex acts it's not funny. You just know it.
3. Brad Paisley
Already covered today.
2. Patrick Stump
Maura threatened to cut Jess if he wasn't in the top two. Jess then took comfort in the fact that Maura has a boner for Patrick friggin' Stump.
1. The ghost of Michael Hutchence
He's long gone, but still: Duh.
They forgot these guys!: Steven Page (Barenaked Ladies); ?questlove (The Roots); Matt Nathanson; and Kirk Hammett (Metallica)
And this is what inspired their list - courtesy of Shoutmouth.com. The Hot Girls!
For more info on the ladies, go to the above link. :-) My personal favorites are in bold.
Rule #1 (The Madonna Rule): This list is based on recent hotness. It doesn't matter how hot an artist was back in the ‘80s. It's 2007. What have you done for us lately?
Rule #2 (The Hayden Panettiere Rule): To qualify for this list, an artist must be over 18 years of age. We only objectify of-age women here.
Rule #3 (The Newcomer Rule): Each artist must have released at least one full-length album prior to August 1st, 2007 in order to qualify.
Rule #4 (The Pseudo-Musician Rule): Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are disqualified for obvious reasons.
Rule #5 (The Ashlee Simpson Rule): A woman can move up a few spots based on talent and/or personality. However, they cannot be hurt by lack of talent. Just like in real life.
Rule #6 (The Anastacia Rule): A prolonged absence from the musical spotlight can bring an artist down several notches. This is, after all, a list of the hottest women in music, so it's only appropriate that they stay active in music.
Rule #7 (The Dixie Chicks Rule): For a group, the ranking will be determined by averaging the hotness of all members.
Those are the rules. It's beholding time...
50) Ashanti
49) Lacey Mosley (Flyleaf)
48) Miranda Lambert
47) Leslie Feist
46) Natasha Bedingfield
45) Kelly Clarkson
44) M.I.A.
43) Chantal Kreviazuk
42) Cat Power
41) Thalia
40) Sharin Foo (The Ravonettes)
39) Mariah Carey
38) Jewel
37) Dixie Chicks
36) Vanessa Hudgens
35) Joss Stone
34) Rihanna
33) Sheryl Crow
32) Danielle Peck
31) The Pipettes
30) Norah Jones
29) Avril Lavigne
28) Alicia Keys
27) Mandy Moore
26) Hilary Duff
25) Kylie Minogue
24) Liz Phair
23) Natalie Imbruglia
22) Paulina Rubio
21) Willa Ford
20) Shania Twain
19) Ashlee Simpson
18) The Corrs
17) Christina Scabia (Lacuna Coil)
16) Anastacia
15) Christina Millian
14) Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice)
13) Nelly Furtado
12) Jennifer Lopez
11) Ginger Reyes (Smashing Pumpkins)
10) Faith Hill
9) Katharine McPhee
8) Girls Aloud (esp. Sarah Harding)
7) Danity Kane
6) Christina Aguilera
5) Nicole Scherzinger
4) Beyonce
3) Carrie Underwood
2) Shakira
1) Jessica Simpson
I'm bummed that these ladies were excluded: Shirley Manson (Garbage); Chantal Claret (Morningwood); Victoria Asher (Cobra Starship); Nellie McKay and Neko Case (The New Pornographers)!
no subject
We're not above doling out the pity rankings.
l-o- fucking-l. xD
*flails* Patrick is #2!!! And Pete is no where in sight! This totally made my day.
How dare they exclude Shirley Manson and Victoria!!!
They're both fucking gorgeous.
*laughs at rule #5*
no subject
And Shirley and Victoria (and the others) were robbed! Who can resist a sexy natural redhead, or Victoria and her curves?
no subject
smutslash for fuck sake! lol), but he is not the only attractive member of the band.I agree, they were robbed.
no subject
Maybe we should just compile our own damn lists.
no subject
no subject
I think she's on there because of her boobs. God knows she doesn't have much else going for her!
no subject
Liz Phair is #24? Jewel at #38?
Shirley Manson isn't on it?
AND JESSICA SIMPSON IS #1.
This is a travesty.
no subject
no subject
20. The Simpsonized Billie Joe Armstrong
50% less acne than real life Billie Joe Armstrong.
Since when is acne a problem? Sure, it sucks, but it shouldn't be a deal breaker or make someone be lower on a list. Boo hiss.
17. C.C. DeVille
Clearly, the front-runner to star in Rock Of Love 2: Love Among The Catskills.
HAW HAW HAW!
1. The ghost of Michael Hutchence
He's long gone, but still: Duh.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
no subject
As for Toby Keith, well I guess it depends on who you ask - if you're Natalie Maines, then he really is a scumbag. I like a few of his songs, otherwise, I don't care either way. I'm not going to let someone's politics get in the way of my liking their music! :-)