hiddenmuse | Therapy?!?

Well, I've finally done it. I've contacted a couple of therapists (mostly via e-mail, perfect for me - who hates to call people) - and have an appointment with one next week.

It's been well over three years since I discontinued therapy - when I moved to San Francisco. Unfortunately, my 50 years in therapy were for the birds, leaving me with a sense of internalized homophobia and a completely unfounded hatred of my father. When it came to my depression, she didn't even notice that it was happening, until I finally mentioned it to her (probably because I was keeping it under wraps very well). While I was in treatment with a psychiatrist, she'd asked me if I there was any SI (self-injury) - when I showed her my arms with the scars and few cuts, she seemed to be quite blasé about it.

Why didn't I quit? Because, this was a family therapist - someone that I was originally seeing with my family. And since I wasn't paying for the treatment, I felt like I had no choice, or way to change therapists.

Now, I just want to tell that woman that she fucked me up, severely. My relationship with my dad was completely fractured because between her and my mom, I had my mind filled with ideas that my dad was this horrible, horrible person. Yeah - I've been back in contact with him, and he's actually a good person, and I'm glad that he's back in my life.

I'm no longer under anyone's thumb - and since I'm paying for therapy with my own money (on Hello Kitty checks, no less!) I get to be in charge. Woohoo!

In other good news, I like my internist quite a bit - I went in for a visit today, and he has determined that I don't really need to come back, unless something comes up and I need to come back before an annual exam. This was so good to hear - especially since prior doctors wanted me to come back every several weeks or couple of months to monitor this, that or the other. So yay for awesome doctors!

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I was very lucky to have an incredible therapist, as a teenager - but I wish she'd come along a decade earlier, when she might've really done some good.

I'm sorry you had such a bad one. I can't believe that she could retain her license, if that's her standard of care.

Stupid grownups of your past. But don't you love the feeling of being responsible for your own stuff - on your own cheques? I love it.

Well, she was a Mormon therapist - same faith as my family - so I think she was looked at as being a "good therapist". It's one of those things where people just want to see the good, and ignore the bad. I'm sure that if/when I tell my mom about all the crap that went down, she'd be livid.

I'm quite happy about being the one in charge! It makes me feel great. :)

Ever since a priest showed porn to my sister, I've been really wary of anything to do with orgainized religion. Especially catholic counselling of any kind. Because they are counselling, yes, but also pushing their own agenda and belief framework.

One of my family members did the required premarital catholic counselling, and came home in tears every single day.

Ouch - yeah, if I had an experience like that, I'd run as far as I could from anyone involved within *any* organized religion!

It seems like just about anyone can hang up a shingle and call themselves a therapist nowadays. While I am all for therapy and the like, it's so 'iffy' that it scares me. Like your story, I've seen so many people screwed by so-called therapists that it's frightening!

I'm glad you found someone you think will work! It really does mean something to know that "you're" in charge of it all. I think that can make all the difference in the world. And it sounds like you've learned the hard way to tell the good from the bad. That's an invaluable thing to know when it comes to something like this!

Yeah, looking back, it almost felt like "if Scientology had therapists, this must be what it's like..." What sucks is that my brother was able to stop after a couple of years, while I had to keep going for much, much longer, because apparently I wasn't "healed/cured/over my problems/whatever".

I'm hoping that this therapist will work out - otherwise, I have a couple of other names of therapists that I can call.

The worst thing is to have a "family" therapist. I got lucky and got out of it after only half a dozen sessions (therapy being paid for by the insurance, so I had my choices). The woman was my sister's therapist and we only ever talked about her and her problems which really didn't help me any. And then I found a new one, that I eventually stopped going to because I didn't need it anymore (at the time).

Anyway, it's great that you finally realized that your old therapist was a douche. Not only were their thoughts muddled by all your other family members, they probably didn't have experience in what you were dealing with. Finding on more suited for your needs always helps.

And it's early in the morning, and I looked up to see if there was anything else that I should comment on, and then when I saw "annual" exam, I sorta maybe read it as "anal" exam. And then I was very confused. And now I'm okay again.

Cheers!

The prior therapist was probably driven by ideology/religious beliefs, so a lot of what I was going through was "wrong" or "bad", hence the internalized homophobia.

"anal exam"? Are you trying to say that my doctor is either anal-retentive, or that I'm going for an exam in a porno film? ;-) ;-)

I volunter to proctor the anal exam.

Therapy?!?

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