hiddenmuse (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hiddenmuse) wrote2003-06-20 06:07 pm
hiddenmuse) wrote2003-06-20 06:07 pm
Effexor is turning me into an old lady!
Really, it is. I take it in the morning, and by the time I come home from work, I am feeling tired. So I get home from work and take a nap for an hour or so, only to wake up and stay awake until about 12:30 a.m.
Still having the stomach upsets - might help if I took the meds with food, but it might also help if I had an appetite and no nausea. Don't get me wrong - I do still eat. Just not as much, which may be a good thing.
Also, I think I just have to reach a point of acceptance with the depression. Not the point of resignation I've gotten to in the past - that only sets me up for failure and relapse. Merely resigning myself to the fact that depression is a lifetime condition - for me, that isn't accepting it. That's just saying "okay, if I have to..." as though I'm under duress to my illness, treating it like a burden. (Well, okay, it sure as hell can feel like a burden to end all burdens ... but still.)
I speak of it as "I suffer from depression", which is definitely true. With my epilepsy, I can say, "I have epilepsy" or "I am an epileptic" and it just comes out as easily as "how's it going?". As I've mentioned before, coming out and saying "I suffer from depression" or "I'm a depressive" (gee, that sounds good, doesn't it?) would be as easily accomplished as coming out of the closet. I think that's largely due to the stigmas surrounding mental illness. We hear the words "Mental Illness" and all we can think of are the extreme cases - the middle-aged schizophrenic on the bus voicing an internal dialogue involving family members being taken away. We don't think of the people around us as having a mental illness, which is suprising, considering that about 13 to 14 million Americans suffer from clinical depression every year (we're talking serious enough to need treatment depression).
Now, I have admitted to my depression to most of the people I work with - and have been blessed with a supervisor that went through the same thing, and genuinely understands - but I don't think I'll be running up to random strangers and going on about my state of mental health.
But I digress. My original intent was to say that I hope to ultimately reach a point where I don't go through the self-defeating "take the meds - stop when I feel better (or side effects get to be too much) - relapse" cycle, and also to get to where I can say, "I have depression - but it doesn't have ME."
Maybe someday. In the meantime, I will be getting back to my psychiatrist after I get back from Utah. I will get through these annoying side effects - they aren't permanent. I will continue OA and re-consider Weight Watchers.
But for now, I will be taking a nap. :^)
Still having the stomach upsets - might help if I took the meds with food, but it might also help if I had an appetite and no nausea. Don't get me wrong - I do still eat. Just not as much, which may be a good thing.
Also, I think I just have to reach a point of acceptance with the depression. Not the point of resignation I've gotten to in the past - that only sets me up for failure and relapse. Merely resigning myself to the fact that depression is a lifetime condition - for me, that isn't accepting it. That's just saying "okay, if I have to..." as though I'm under duress to my illness, treating it like a burden. (Well, okay, it sure as hell can feel like a burden to end all burdens ... but still.)
I speak of it as "I suffer from depression", which is definitely true. With my epilepsy, I can say, "I have epilepsy" or "I am an epileptic" and it just comes out as easily as "how's it going?". As I've mentioned before, coming out and saying "I suffer from depression" or "I'm a depressive" (gee, that sounds good, doesn't it?) would be as easily accomplished as coming out of the closet. I think that's largely due to the stigmas surrounding mental illness. We hear the words "Mental Illness" and all we can think of are the extreme cases - the middle-aged schizophrenic on the bus voicing an internal dialogue involving family members being taken away. We don't think of the people around us as having a mental illness, which is suprising, considering that about 13 to 14 million Americans suffer from clinical depression every year (we're talking serious enough to need treatment depression).
Now, I have admitted to my depression to most of the people I work with - and have been blessed with a supervisor that went through the same thing, and genuinely understands - but I don't think I'll be running up to random strangers and going on about my state of mental health.
But I digress. My original intent was to say that I hope to ultimately reach a point where I don't go through the self-defeating "take the meds - stop when I feel better (or side effects get to be too much) - relapse" cycle, and also to get to where I can say, "I have depression - but it doesn't have ME."
Maybe someday. In the meantime, I will be getting back to my psychiatrist after I get back from Utah. I will get through these annoying side effects - they aren't permanent. I will continue OA and re-consider Weight Watchers.
But for now, I will be taking a nap. :^)
no subject
Even 2 years ago when I ended up in the hospital, I didn't totally believe it. I knew there was something wrong, but I had hopes it would go away and that I would be back to myself in a month or two. Finally, when that didn't happen, I began to accept that this was really going to stick with me, that it was just something I would have to live with.
My point? I think that the more subtle the effects of depression, the easier it can be to either avoid its reality or just avoid thinking about it. So be gentle on yourself. Sometimes it takes facing the same beast over and over before acceptance begins to sink in...