hiddenmuse (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hiddenmuse) wrote2004-01-16 09:07 am
hiddenmuse) wrote2004-01-16 09:07 am
Dinner and a Guilt Trip
Last night, I went out for dinner at Macaroni Grill with my mom. Now, this is something that we'd talked about doing for months, but never got around to doing because of my stepdad's car accident, and what that snowballed into.
The dinner was fine - especially the food. It was the guilt trip that really got on my nerves, though. My mom was saying that she thought I was rushing into this, that she didn't want me to not be able to find work - then have to come back home and have a hard time getting re-established. That I should just take a 30-day unpaid leave from work and spend the month in SF looking for a job, going on interviews, etc. - and if I found a job, just call the Big Boss and tell him that I'm not coming back to work.
(Sure, that's a swell idea, but WTF do I do about my apartment? If I got a job, I'd have to give the landlord a month's notice, then come back home to clean and pack up the apartment ... and I don't think an employer would be very keen on my having to start the job a few weeks later than they'd like me to.)
I could've started planning this out & decided to not move until the summer, and I'd still be told that I'm "rushing into things". She told me, "you've got friends and family here - out there, you'd just have friends, no family" and "if you left, we'd miss you terribly!" So on and so forth.
Yes, my lovelies, it was everything I was afraid it would be. Tomorrow, I'll be going to see my therapist, and I'm going to just vent about this - and how it makes me feel, because I just don't like being guilt-tripped. It's like I'm being made to feel bad because I want to do something different with my life (for once).
What kills me is that I never heard her say that she was happy for me - but that the move was so far away. I had to hear that from my therapist last week (apparently my mom had called her to kind of get out what was on her mind about my moving).
That bothers me.
The dinner was fine - especially the food. It was the guilt trip that really got on my nerves, though. My mom was saying that she thought I was rushing into this, that she didn't want me to not be able to find work - then have to come back home and have a hard time getting re-established. That I should just take a 30-day unpaid leave from work and spend the month in SF looking for a job, going on interviews, etc. - and if I found a job, just call the Big Boss and tell him that I'm not coming back to work.
(Sure, that's a swell idea, but WTF do I do about my apartment? If I got a job, I'd have to give the landlord a month's notice, then come back home to clean and pack up the apartment ... and I don't think an employer would be very keen on my having to start the job a few weeks later than they'd like me to.)
I could've started planning this out & decided to not move until the summer, and I'd still be told that I'm "rushing into things". She told me, "you've got friends and family here - out there, you'd just have friends, no family" and "if you left, we'd miss you terribly!" So on and so forth.
Yes, my lovelies, it was everything I was afraid it would be. Tomorrow, I'll be going to see my therapist, and I'm going to just vent about this - and how it makes me feel, because I just don't like being guilt-tripped. It's like I'm being made to feel bad because I want to do something different with my life (for once).
What kills me is that I never heard her say that she was happy for me - but that the move was so far away. I had to hear that from my therapist last week (apparently my mom had called her to kind of get out what was on her mind about my moving).
That bothers me.